Jena 6, One Year Later

Today I as I reflect on the one year anniversary of the Jena 6 March(tomorrow) I can't help but wonder just how better off we actually are. We all (meaning black America) united for that time and rallied around these six young men, Mychal Bell in particular, and swelled our chests with pride. Proud of the fact that we could put aside our differences, proud that we would all burn up vacation days from work to aid someone other than ourselves, proud that we had the ingenuity to mastermind and participate in a march of that magnitude just like the days of King and proud that for a change we were involved in something positive period. Those of us who could not travel for whatever reason organized and held Jena 6 Rallies in our cities. ( Chris, I know, I know...you never got your Jena 6 T-shirt. I'm gonna purchase one just for you.)

This time last year we were all entrenched in black pride, unity and responsibility for our youth and their actions. So, what changed? It seems as though that day black America pushed pause to halt the Bullshit in their lives and pressed play on Socialism. Today, the bullshit meter is running rampit in our communities once again. We have a black man running for the highest office in the free world and we have 80million black folks not registered to vote! And another thing...since everyone is all enthralled in this election, how many Jena 6's have we missed. How many young children are fighting injustice right under our noses while we concentrate on why John McCain picked Sarah Palin and how much money celebrities raised for Barack Obama? Then we have the audacity to not even be registered so we can exercise our right to vote so that these injustices can end? The gall to not take advantage of the right our forefathers fought, bled and died for. But I digress.

Just today, my son came home from school telling me about a fight he had on the playground at recess. Yes he got his ass beat, but that is besides the point. Why are our children fighting each other instead of helping and looking out for one another even at this age. Train up a child in the way he/she should go and he will never depart from it. The children are our future for real. Its not just a Whitney Houston lyric. Who do you think will be taking care of you when you are old? Our children! We owe them the opportunity to grow up and grow up correctly and in the fear of God. They need to know the importance of helping others and standing for what they believe in. We should teach them the importance of a good education and to never forget where they came from, to not have the crabs in a bucket mentality and to strive to be the best in all they do. So many of our children fall through the cracks and are lost. Well, I refuse to let mine fall through even if I have to beat his ass to do it. My child will not be a statistic, he will not be referred to by a number and he will not have premature dates marking his headstone, if I can help it.

I feel like Atlas with the weight of the world on my shoulders and a phoenix as I rise from the flames of this socially inept hell. I will survive, my child will survive, my family will survive, my friends will survive. I will not fail!! I won't, I won't, I won't and neither will you! The power of the tongue is a wonderful thing isn't it?

Paradise Lost

I blog today with a heavy heart and a saddened spirit. Today is the 7th Anniversary of the 9/11 tragedy. I'm sad today because I'm remembering that day and the lives that have been eternally altered and because I'm thinking about the thousands of Americans who are still fighting this so-called "War on Terror"and those who have lost their lives. Today is the official commemoration of this tragedy, but for many men and women, "9/11" happens everyday as the officials knock on their doors and deliver the news that their son or daughter has lost their life in the war, sparked by 9/11. 9/11, 5/22, 3/19. etc. These are days families remember everyday as their lives have been altered as well.

When I got up this morning I turned on the television to Fox news and watched their replay of the 9/11 events as they happened that day. I began to weep and soon my weeping developed into a full out cry as I got ready for work. I was overwhelmed with emotion as I thought about each person who died that day without warning. I cried for the families and friends left behind. I started to reflect on what my life was like on that day...

The morning of September 11, 2001 I got up early and drove back to Columbia. I'm from Inman, a little town in Spartanburg County, and I had spent the night their with my cousin from LA. My mom and I had experienced a terrible argument and I didn't go home but spent the night with my aunt instead where my cousin was staying. I woke up early and drove back because I had to be at work at Cingular Wireless Call Center at 10am. So, I left around 6 or so. When I got home, around 8am I watched two episodes of the Sopranos that my VCR had tapped while I was away. I got ready for work, and drove to the call center. There my co-workers were all in an uproar. I asked what was going on and one said we are trying to deal with all these explosions and things. I said, "What explosions?". She proceeded to detail for me the events of the past hour and 1/2. I ran to the break room and watched the news and there it was. "Oh My God, You have got to be kidding me?" I got on my computer and the Internet was flooded with images and stories. How did I miss this? I normally watch CNN as I get dressed in the mornings, why didn't I this morning?

As I think about that day, I am reminded of a time in my life when I wasn't close to my mom. Our relationship was so strained, I questioned if she even loved me at all. Look at how far we have come and how good God is. We are best friends now and talk everyday and constantly tell each other we love one another. God is awesome. Like 9/11, it took a tragedy to bring us together. We rebuilt our lives together though and that made us stronger in and for each other. God has a way of bringing people together with the strength they need to endure tough things. Let us thank God for his infinite wisdom.

Today, I urge each American to unite with the other, encourage someone else today and let them know you are there for them. Don't let another tragedy have to happen to unify is again.

Shame on you McCain!

Okay, I tried so hard to not jump on the bandwagon and blog about this but I couldn't. I have to. What was John McCain thinking by picking Gov. Sarah Palin? I'll tell you what! He thought all the women of America were stupid and could not possibly be interested in the issues and what's best for the country, but that we would vote for him and Sarah because she is a woman! As a woman I am insulted.

The idea behind being able to handpick a VP is to really search and find a person fully capable of being president if something (God forbid) should happen to the current president. I'm sorry, Sarah Palin is not it. This lady has been Gov. of Alaska for less than two years. OK, I give her kudos for becoming Governor because I sit here blogging and not running for political office (yet). So applause to her for this accomplishment. However, this lady has no foreign policy experience have just gone out of the country last year for the first time ( she didn't even have a passport for the ready.) She does not believe in sex education in schools, as a result her state has the highest cases of Chlamydia and her teenage daughter is pregnant. I'm sorry Gov. ignoring sex education does not mean the people of the country will not choose to engage in it. She is also against a woman's right to choose. So the right women fought for, the ability to take charge of their own bodies, is lost with this woman. But you republicans say Gov. should not play such a huge role in the everyday lives of Americans. Hmmm!

Sen. John McCain wrapped up his party's nomination presumably back in March. So why did he wait so long to choose a VP? He could have used all this time to campaign with his VP pick and try to one up the Democrats. He waited to see who Barack Obama would choose because he was not confident in himself enough to carry the ticket. He waited to see if Obama would choose Hillary Clinton, and when he didn't, he chose Gov. Palin to gain those votes, again suggesting we women don't use our brains to think. We fought for our right to vote to be able to choose based on what's best for us. McCain doesn't even know this woman and as a result, they keep showing her family and talking about her High School Career and hobbies. He met her one time back in February and then talked with her one more time last Tuesday and picked her on last Friday. His own party can't even defend her. McCain refused to conduct an interview with CNN because his party rep "Tucker" could not answer a question about her experience and what decisions has she made as Commander in Chief of the Alaskan National Guard. Not only did he not answer the question, he tried to belittle Obama's experience or so-called lack there of instead.

Well, I'll say this, for someone who is not experienced, Obama sure had enough sense to pick a VP who is very experienced in Foreign Affairs and is Chairman of the Foreign Relations Committee in Congress. Shame on You Sen. McCain for thinking that the women of the world are stupid. I;'m sorry Senator, but your slickness, your so-called strategy, has backfired. Boom!

King of Pop Turns 50!

Today the King of Pop, Michael Joseph Jackson, born to Joseph and Catherine Jackson turns 50. I am such a huge fan of Michael Jackson and could not let this historic day go by without acknowledging it. As a young girl, at the tender age of 3 I fell in love with Michael Jackson. This love affair still remains today and I am a woman in my 30's. The music is timeless, genius and priceless. Even though MJ has had his share of problems, his music is off the chain. He is a musical genius. He went into orbit in the 80's and never came down. He is the greatest of all time! Michael, Happy happy happy 50th birthday. You are an american icon!!

Calling all Clinton Supporters to Board the Train!

Tomorrow will be a historic day. We've already made history with Barack Obama winning the Democratic Nomination for President of the United States. Tomorrow he will accept the party's nomination on the 45th Anniversary of Martin Luther King's historic "I Have a Dream Speech." We have come so far in this country where a black man has a real chance to actually become President. However, I'm not saying we don't have a long way to go because we do. Unity has still not been achieved. Its not a black and white issue, or male or female issue...its a humanity issue. We all have to get along and feel for our fellow man no matter what. The New Yorker's dealing with 9/11 put grievances aside and helped each other get out and survive no matter the color or gender. I say this to try and get through to Hillary Clinton Supporters.

Last night at the Democratic National Convention, Hillary Clinton gave a dynamic speech about uniting the party and being concerned for the state of America and its citizens. After all, we should be concerned about this right? However, after the speech they spoke with a young African American woman who is a die hard Hillary Clinton Supporter. She said that Hillary's speech was very Presidential and that she should be the nominee. That she would not vote for John McCain, but that Barack Obama had to earn her vote and that he had two months to do it or she may not vote at all.

Well Ms. Missy, not voting is the same as casting a vote for John McCain because you are not taking a stand against him and exercising your right to vote. We have to remember to not get so caught up in the person themselves, but the message and the hope for a better tomorrow. You have to discern which candidate will best do that of the two you have to choose from. You can't get all upset cause your person didn't get in and therefore abandon the mission. Then this woman and many other delegates like her have the nerve to say they will cast votes for Hillary to be the nominee even though she won't win. What kind of message are you sending to the Repulicans? You are saying the party can't get past this and join together behind one person for a common goal cause your ass is on your shoulder. How can Barack win when we can't agree and work hard for the cause. If Hillary can do it, so can you. Trust me, she will alright and will have a great role in this adminstration.

Let's face the facts people, Hillary Clinton lost. She lost. She lost! Did the mission for change die with her presidential bid? No. It didn't. It lives on in Barack Obama and the Democratic party. Don't get so caught up in the Clinton's that you can't see 2 steps past one of Hillary's Pantsuits. To me, that is so backwards. Yes, she made a statement for women. As a woman, I applaud that. However, Change is the message and you have to be willing to change to have change. Had Hillary Clinton won the nomination, I would be working for her campaign and voting for her no questions asked, even though I wholeheartedly support Barack Obama. Wake up people! If you don't we are going to receive 4 more years of repression chalked full of Republican, right-winged idealism! Can we survive that? I think not.

State of Emergency in Black America

Yesterday I picked my son up from his Boys and Girls Club After school program and as we walked out to the car, one of my son's friends asked him If I was his mom. He replied yes, to which the child then asked, "You got a dad?" My son said yes, yes I do. This second question bothered me. Since when did we get so far gone and our families so disconnected that a child would have to ask another child if they have a dad? Have our men gone so haywire that they are not in touch with their families? Even if the parents are not together, the child should not have to ask whether or not they have a dad.

Now with these tragic incidences happening Ol Jessie has the nerve to say Barack Obama is talking down to black people because he is addressing this issue. Is he serious? Bill Cosby has been saying the same thing and our people have taken offense to him. Why? He is telling the truth. When you throw a rock into a pack of dogs, the one that hollers is the one you hit. The black male in America has failed himself and his family. Granted, racism is prevalent and alive in this country, but that should give us motivation to want more, to do more, not to be just what they expect us to be; nothing. Killing each other, selling drugs to one another...is this the way to get ahead? I think not. When are our men gonna step up again and accept some real responsibility. A real man takes care of his children. Maybe the problem is with us, black women. If we wouldn't lay down with little, trifling A boys, we wouldn't have to worry about these boys all of a sudden having to transition to men. We should create families with men already and know how he is going to react to responsibility. When we have sex with a man we must be prepared to share the parenting responsibility with him, even if we do not forsee we will. You never know what will happen. When it does, are you gonna be happy with this sorry A nicca who is now your baby daddy? Can we please, please, please take back our families?

God please step in now in the name of your son Jesus. Teach us the way we should go, and how to go. Give us the tools to be better people and treat those around us, including our children, with the utmost respect and kindness. Lord, somethings we may not understand but everything is a blessing from you, whether good or bad. You desire for us to be kings and queens and reign over our own. We cannot do this without you Lord, we need your guidance and strength to make it through each day. We know it won't be easy, but you are there to usher us through. All we have to do is trust you and be open to change. Give us the desire and the burning sense of urgency to correct ourselves and do right by our families. The babies deserve so much more than we are giving them. Please help us now in Jesus' name. Amen.

Twilight Thoughts

Are our dreams prophetic visions from God or wishes our heart makes? I have this conversation often with friends of mine and we always try to interpret our dreams as they relate to our daily lives. However, the mystery is always the source of these dreams. Sometimes my dreams are so relevant its scary and other times I can't make head or tales of it. Is there a mystery to unlock?

As a child growing up watching Cinderella, I always believed that dreams were wishes my heart made and nothing more. It wasn't until I started listening to my mother talk about her dreams and how they always came true that I started to think differently. She believed God was talking to her through her dreams and warning her of ahead dangers just as he did in the Bible days. So which is it? Or is it a combination of both? If it is a combination, how do we know the difference?

Many people have written books on dream interpretation and believe that all dreams have meaning. Some people even assign lucky numbers to certain dreams. I still don't know how that is done. However, I also believe they have meaning but are they messages from God or manifestations of what we desire? Dreams have always been a mystery. Some scientists say you never dream in color but in black and white and that the body has several dreams during the course of the night but we don't remember them. However, I dream in color and I oftentimes remember my dreams, especially the significant ones.

Dreams can happen in one of two stages. 1) Dreams that predict the future. These dreams don't make sense to us most of the time, however as times goes by they reveal their significance. 2) Dreams parallel our lives at the time. Some of our dreams replay our lives and give us the ability to step back and view our actions. This could be God's way of having us step out of ourselves to see how we truly behave and what we should change.

Upon further pondering of this, I believe dreams are corrections from God in one way or another to make us better people. So many people say God speaks to us about what he wants us to know or do or say or not say. Dreams are a way of speaking to us because he does not speak audibly from Heaven, at least I have not heard this and I'm sure I would have. ( I just imagine God having a loud, booming voice). So in a sense dreams are both wishes and predictions because our desires and wishes come from God because HE controls all things. Yes he gives us free will but nothing happens without his permission, so all we do and all our steps are ordered by God. Kinda neat right?

So the next dream you have and remember, examine it, pray and try to discern just what message God is trying to give you. However, remember that Satan has the same access to our dreams and can send us smoke screens to alter our actions and convince us to take steps off of God's path. The important thing is to stay connected to God to prevent this and to be able to tell the difference. With that, dream away and let God lead you. Amen.

Sometimes Silence is Best.

The saying "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is a misstatement and an untruth. Words are powerful and everlasting. Powerful because they have the ability to excite someone or crush their dreams and everlasting because they get continuous play in the mind of the receiver. So keeping that in mind, it is imperative to be very careful of and take ownership over the words that are formed by our tongues and leave our mouths.

The tongue has the power to speak life, blessings, curses and death into the lives of others. You have the power to speak into existence the thoughts and feelings of your mind and affect the lives of those around you. With Power comes great responsibility. Our tongues are powerful and therefore garner great responsibility. The ol adage "Think before you speak." came into existence because once you say something you cannot take it back no matter how "sorry" you are you said it. Hearers of our words take them at face value and believe what they are hearing unless you are an established liar in which case you couldn't get people to believe you even if your tongue came notarized.

"Choose your words carefully" is another one. The words "I love you" are powerful in themselves. The way in which these words are perceived is significant. Most people just say "I love You" meaning they love you as friends, a great influence in their lives etc. However, between a couple the words "I love you" mean just that. You love me and want to be with me; we are committed to each other. Not I love you like a family member. Sometimes I think people say these words without realizing the impact they have on a person. They say these words with no regard to their meaning or impact. Some folks can just say it with no consequence because they could care less, but to the person hearing those words, it could mean their livelihood.

I had a guy tell me he loved me one time and I in turn told him back. When we spoke, which was several times a day, we continuously told each other we loved the other. We made what I thought was love and he just basically had sex. I felt one way and he another. Afterwards he explained to me that his " I love you's" were merely expressions of his friendship and caring for me, but in no way meant that he was actually "In love" with me. How devastating to hear. My heart broke and my spirit sank at the reality of me letting this man into my inner most being and him saying afterwards,"I didn't love you that way." Are you freaking kidding me? You didn't allow me the opportunity to make an informed decision about this intimate expression of "love".

The world does not revolve around us and we are not in this world alone, therefore our words will be heard by someone, if only God and he has a tendency to act on our words oftentimes giving us what we say we want. Another saying, "Be careful what you wish for, it just might come true," comes to mind. I could go on and on but I won't. I leave you with this, Don't say things you don't truly mean and mean what you say. It could mean life or death to someone else.

Who Said This Was Acceptable?

Okay, Okay, I'm as big a fan of individualism as the next person and I feel I have a great sense of fashion, but when did it become OK for a man to sport a perm and a mustache if their name isn't James Brown? Come on.... Have we been reduced to witnessing such atrocities on a daily? I went to the hair salon and one of the male stylists was rocking this same swagger. Did I miss something?

I remember when I met a young man in Atlanta one year, this brother had on makeup, a mustache and rocked a perm. My friend and I screamed with laughter. However, we got to know this person and realized he wasn't crazy just eccentric. His sense of style was wack but he was cool. I should have realized then that it was only the beginning of such fashion mayhem.

Is this the new look of gay America? I may be wrong for asking this question but I can't see a straight man rocking this style if he ain't on stage. Hell, even JB kept it masculine! Terrence Howard in Hustle and Flow kept it rugged! I'm afraid this freakish nature is becoming so popular that it isn't being seen as freakish at all, but normal.

Who knows maybe I'm behind the times. I'm gonna call and ask my man to sport this swagger and see what his reaction is. Chime in and tell me what you all think of this. Am I close minded or does this actually look good?

Unusual Pedicure

Today as I searched the news for my daily dose of world events, I came across a story about a most unusual pedicure. Now, since I have have taken several cosmetologist classes I have learned about the proper way to conduct a pedicure. For those of you foot conscious folks out there who love pedicures...there are some facts you should be aware of.

There is a such thing as Death by Pedicure. This is caused by a disease called Microbacterium fortitium. This disease lurks in spa baths in nail salons and seriously endangers your health. California has seen over 600 cases of this disease in their nail salons and spas. 2 people in SC have been affected.

If a spa tub has not been cleaned properly with EPA Hospital Grade Barocide all feet that swim there are at risk. By cleaned properly, I mean allowing the Barocide to sit in the tub full of clean water for at least 10 minutes between customers. This helps kill germs that came off the foot of the person before you. Just a thought: How many times have you seen the spa baths in soak before you put your foot in it? What happens when this is not done is the dead skin, cuticles and nails accumulate in the drain holes of the tub and cause a deadly bacteria. You put your foot in and are susceptible to the bacteria. This can cause fungus in your nail bed or worse. Please don't ever shave before you go because then your pores are standing open ready to receive all the germs of the umpteen feet before you. Herpes is most spread not sexually but in the salon. How many times has your nail tech cut you? If they don't clean that tool they pass the germs on to the next person and so on. So, just watch where you go, make sure you get clean instruments ( watch them take it out of the blue water) and make sure they properly clean your spa bath before you engage. Now onto this new pedicure,

As I was saying before I ascended my soap box, I read about a new pedicure where a salon in VA was using fish to eat away dead skin. The fish are nicknamed Dr. Fish and they feed on dead skin cells and such. Don't worry they don't have teeth, they suck. Feel better about it? Didn't think so. This salon used to house the fish in a communal pool and let up to 8 ladies at a time subject their little footsies to the nibbling fest. They discovered 2 problems with this method. 1) Those people with excessively scaly feet got all the fish, leaving others with no attention and 2) the health department didn't deem it sanitary. I agree with that. Now, they put the ladies in a personal pool full of fish and change the water after each use. I'm still not sure just how sanitary this is but it sounds much better than the community thing.

The thought of fish nippling at my feet both frightens and intrigues me. I think I would need to witness someone actually receiving this service before trying it. I know we all want to look good and all about the feet but are we going just a little far? We vain people will pay for beauty but at what cost? Have we actually come to the day where we have to stick our feet in pool of flesh eating fish to achieve the perfect pedicure? Please weigh in on this one. Would you try it?

Soror Barbie

Wow. What a day I'm having. First and foremost...Congratulations to my Sorors, the Elite and most Illustrious ladies of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc. on 100 years of Sisterhood and Service to all mankind. Sorors from all over the world have descended upon Washington, DC , the birth place of Alpha Kappa Alpha, for Boule and our Centennial Celebration. I am so proud to be a member and represent these beautiful ladies. I am also proud to say that Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority has been honored by Mattel with an AKA Barbie! She is so beautiful and elegant, just like an Alpha Kappa Alpha Lady should be. However, you know I'm not blogging about this just to boast. Of course I have to address the haters!!

Now, that our Barbie has been revealed, there are several "black folk" who have taken issue with her appearance. Mostly non sorority members I'm sure, but nonetheless haters. Several blogs and comments have shown displeasure with the complexion of Soror Barbie. First of all its an honor to be able to say that. No other Sorority has been honored in this way. This is an accomplishment in itself and all Greeks should be proud of this. Anyhoo, because Soror Barbie is not "black" enough she is being criticized. So what... if the doll were chocolate she would represent better? Get out of here with that. African American women come in all hues. There is no one hue to represent us all. I don't believe the doll feeds into stereotypes about Alpha Kappa Alpha women only choosing other fair skinned women with long hair. I'm not fair skinned and I didn't have long hair when I joined. So what? My Sorors come in many different colors...long gone are the days of the ol"Paper Bag Test" that so many people keep eluding to.

Only "black" people not comfortable in their own skin and its complexion have such a problem. I'm proud this doll represents me and my Sorors, even though I'm not her complexion. She represents the Sorority as a whole as I do. For people to actually spend the time voicing their opinions over a doll that does not represent them anyway is ridiculous. Why not be happy that the features of the doll are true to African American women and not just the same white Barbie dipped in chocolate as previous dolls have been. The blacker the berry the sweeter the juice is not always true.

Skin complexion has always been the divide within our race. In the days of slavery, the light skinned slaves got to work in the house, drive the car, breast feed the babies, and cook the food for the master and mistress. The women were also privileged to be rapped, molested and sodomized at the whim of the good ol master with the husbands not able to protest. So, they may not have been in the fields but were enslaved nonetheless. The lighter skin still didn't exempt them from the word "Nigger" and the lynchings. Knowing this is the root of all this division,why not embrace the many colors instead of discriminating against one another because of it? Light skin is in, black is out...vice versa. Let that mess go.

Here's the tip: Get comfortable in your own skin, represent who you are and stop looking for others to represent for you. Be proud of who you are and carry yourself accordingly. You see Aunt Jemima is still a chocolate sista on top of that syrup bottle and pancake mixes. Are only dark skinned black folks supposed to cook pancakes or are we supposed to boycott this as well because the image represents the black women cooking in white kitchens?

Satirically Speaking

In the midst of all the BS news of the weekend a story has finally made its way to the airways. I guess it first got lost or bogged down within the rumblings of how much the Jolie-Pitts would be paid for the first pics of their now 2 day old twins, Knox and Vivienne or what Ms. USA was thinking when she executed a butt plant during the Evening Gown Competition at last night's Miss. Universe Pageant. While I'd admit it was shocking and I screamed when I watched it happen live, It was not as shocking as the cover of The New Yorker depicting Sen. Barack Obama as a Muslim and his wife Michelle as a terrorist. I'd heard about this cover yesterday, but it wasn't hot news yet at least not to the media.

OK, how sick or racist do you have to be to not only draw something like this, but what does that say about the powers that be actually publishing it? People! Am I the only one who sees a problem with this? I admit, I was once a fan of The New Yorker. Their satire was humorous and I clipped several comics for my scrapbooks. However, I never thought they would stoop this low. In their defense, they stated that the cover was to expose the stupidity of the Republican party and their senseless attempts to attach Sen. Obama to such extremists. However, the American public isn't going to see it that way. The cover will do the opposite, spawn more rumors among conservatives and confirm beliefs for others. All of these "so- called" journalists and their backwards ways of telling a story are actually hurting this man's campaign not helping it. Remember that cover where Sen. Obama was in the target of sniper fire? If that wasn't a subconscious idea plant I don't know what is.

I understand free speech and freedom of press but damn. Has everyone got it out for this man? Not to compare him to Jesus, but he endured similar persecution and we all know what happened to him. Jesus helped people, healed people and professed himself the son of God. Sen. Obama is trying to help people, heal the nation of its racists wounds and strive to be the next Commander in Chief. At every turn there is someone out to stop his mission, each attempt bigger and bolder than the last. Bill Clinton said he would have to kiss his ass to gain his support and even Ol' JJ wants to cut off his "nuts" for supposedly talking down to black folks. They said the same thing about Bill Cosby remember? Since when is upliftment talking down. Since when is telling the truth and expecting change being arrogant? Why are we the most watched and scrutinized race in the country and the world? Because they are afraid of the power we really possess and we currently act less than desirable, some of us. But one bad apple spoils a bunch so we are all in this stigma and stereotype together. The moment we stop turning on each other and focus our energies towards advancing ourselves we will be an unstoppable force. Hey, the niggas are organizing...get out the sheets! Oh well, I digress. In a way, I'm glad these closet racists are showing their hind parts because they are exposing themselves for who they really are. When you know who your enemies are it makes fighting easier.

I so much want to believe that racism is a thing of the past, but it simply isn't true. Everyday we are faced with new challenges in the form of laws, legislation, policemen, lower wages for the same job etc. CNN is even airing a special "Black in America". Why is this necessary if we are all getting along? Time to wake up people before we are all slaves again...this time in Corporate America instead of the Cotton Fields.

What's Next, Fly Naked?

Vacation anyone? Not so fast, better have some extra dollars at your expense if you're flying. Today's economy has totally destroyed what used to be a great way to travel from one destination to another. The safest way to travel has quickly become the most expensive as well.

Spring, 1985 I boarded a plane for the first time en route to our Nation's Capital. My aunt, little cousin and I sat anxiously aboard the Eastern Airline MD 180 plane as we look forward to rendezvousing with our other family members who started their travel via Amtrak the night before. We checked several bags, which they lost, and carried on a few items. We were serviced with beverages and peanuts during our flight. I had a great time, other than being stranded without clothes for a day at the age of eleven. I have been a fan of air travel ever since. However, the Airline Industry has changed drastically since then.

Back in the day when you flew, you were given several beverages and a full meal during your flight. Well as inflation does what it is supposed to do; inflate, the airlines cut out the "free" meals and began charging for meals. My airline of choice "Delta" offers several different deli style sandwiches and chips at nominal prices. You may however purchase your own meal from the terminal and bring it aboard. That's a good thing and a compromise to the meals for purchase option.

After 9/11 the price for flights went up for obvious reasons. Flights now employ Air Marshalls to police the airways from terrorists prompting higher flight rates to cover salaries. I don't mind this at all, but now with the rising fuel costs the airlines have taken complete leave of their senses. I understand that it costs more to operate the flights now and carrying less weight burns less fuel but recent additions have turned me off from my dreams of Soaring the wild blue yonder.

A few months ago, Airlines announced fees for checking your second bag. So forget about packing your shoes in one bag and clothes and toiletries in another or taking multiple outfits for variety. Better learn how to survive on bare minimums and get used to wearing those jeans more than once. It was bad enough they limited our liquid usage down to a few ounces forcing us to pour that much need contact lens solution and moisturizer into little plastic containers, and charging overweight people for two seats as to not inconvience others. Nnow they expect us to survive with 3 outfits and a pair of shoes by charging us $25 to check a second bag. Dang. I always take two bags and a carry on. Now I have to scale back to one bag and a carry on with a personal item ie; purse, laptop, pet etc.

Just when air travelers were getting used to the idea of either chucking up the $25 or carrying one bag, US Airways announced today that they will now charge $15 for the first checked bag! WTF. Are we expected to vacate with no luggage? And the bags have to weigh less than 40 lbs. Come on already. Just how much can you get in a carry on bag anyway? Not much and if you happen to be overweight the extra fabric to make your clothes limits you to two outfits! Just where is all this extra money supposed to come from? We are already paying the base price, the booking fee, the taxes and transaction fees, now they want us to pay to take luggage? A flight with a base price of $378 ends up being $498.00 after all the fees and two checked bags. Oops that's wrong. I forgot to add the price to check the bags on the return flight, so add another $40 to that. Am I missing the line for the free money handouts to pay these prices or did they fall and smack their heads on the runway?

Someone please tell these people that we , the American People, can't afford such as this. I guess I will have to vacation in the backyard as I blogged earlier.

Check out US Airways explanation of new fees: http://www.usairways.com/awa/Content/traveltools/baggage/baggagepolicies.aspx

Television Trivia Answers

1. What would we do baby, Without Us? What would we do baby, Without Us? I bet we been together for a million years, And I bet we'll be together for a million more. Oh, It's like I started breathing on the night we kissed, And I can't remember what I ever did before. What would we do baby, Without Us? What would we do baby, Without Us? And there ain't no nothing we can't love each other through. What would we do baby, Without Us? Sha la la la.

2.Lawrence Hilton Jacobs. The PJ's projects were the Hilton Jacobs Projects.

3. 10 Stigwood Ave. Brooklyn NY

4. In Da House...Debbie Allen, LL Cool J and Alfonso Robiero

5. Capriti Green Apts.

6. Goodtimes, Different Strokes, and Fame

7. Michael DeLorenzo- Det. Torres.

8. Holly Robinson Pete- Show: 21 Jump Street

9. Little Shop of Horrors

10. Rags to Riches

11. BAD

12. Jennifer Lopez

13. The Jeffersons

14. Opi Taylor and Richie Cunningham

15. Don Knotts

16. In Living Color, she was a Fly Girl

17. 4 on the pilot then gained Sandra the 5th child

18. Raven Simone

19. Boxing, what's happening now

20. Mike Tyson

21. WKRP in Cinncinati

Bonus: Alex Keaton loved Money. ALF

Finish the lines:

1. White racist word

2. that box

3. Whatcha talkin

4. pow right in the kisser

5. Gartrell

6. mama

7. Hey, Hey, Hey

8. Angry.

Well, how'd you do?

Television Trivia

As a connoisseur of fine television watching I know a lot of television trivia. This is your fun element today. Many of today's famous movie actors/actress and musicians got their start on the small screen. Try to guess the answers to today's television trivia. Answers will be posted tomorrow.

1. Sing the theme song to "Family Ties"

2. What famous actor was the projects named after in the PJ's? Hint: He played Joe Jackson?

3. What was the address of the Huxtable Family?

4. This show paired a rapper, a dancer and a former Michael Jackson Impersonator.

5. What was the Apt. Complex of the Evan's Family? ( The Actual one that was shown in the show opening)? Hint: It was made famous by a bad guy covered in bee's.

6. What television shows did Janet Jackson star in?

7. One of the stars of New York Undercover was also a dancer in a Michael Jackson Video, who is he?

8. This actress married to a football star started on this show with the famous address, who is she?

9. Tisha Campbell- Martin and Tichina Arnold starred together on several projects....name the first one. Hint: a movie

10. Tisha Campbell also starred in this short lived television comedy. What is it?

11. Wesley Snipes got his start in what Michael Jackson video?

12. Who is the now famous face in the Janet Jackson, "That's the Way Love Goes" video?

13. Gary Coleman played a nephew in a guest appearance on this show? Hint: his uncle was a dry cleaner.

14. Ron Howard played which two famous characters?

15. This "Three's Company" landlord started on what show? Also, who was he?

16. Jennifer Lopez got her start on what infamous comedy show? What was she?

17. How many children did the Huxtables start with?

18. Which 400 million diva started as a Cosby Kid?

19. Martin Lawrence started his career as what? Hint: it didn't work out. He also was on another television show as a bus boy. What was it?

20. Which famous boxer did The Fresh Prince think he could beat? hint: Music

21. The famous radio station of Dr. Johnny Fever?

Bonus: Alex P. Keaton loved this________. Alien Life Form: ___________

Finish the lines:

1. Dad, Boy is a ...

2. Throw down ...

3. ... bout Willis?

4. One of these days...

5. Denise is making me a Gordon...

6. I'm gonna tell...

7. Heywood Nelson's favorite line..............

8. You won't like me when I'm ...

Gooey Ducks

As I faithful blogger, I pride myself on being able to expose my readers to new and exciting discoveries in the world. So today is no exception. Seafood/ shellfish lovers, this one's for you. I've found something that should really make you think. While watching Discovery Channel I discovered Geo Ducks pronounced Gooey Ducks and it totally blew my mind. A Geo Duck is the world's largest clam located in the Pacific Northwest. These clams burrow several feet into the ground and stay there for several years before being harvested. Geoducks grow rapidly, generally reaching 1.5 pounds in three to five years. They attain their maximum size by about 15 years, and can live at least as long as 168 years. The term Gooey Duck is of Native American Origin and means "Dig Deep".

These things are fascinating to watch but churning to the stomach. When you go to a restaurant and order clams, you think you are getting the clams that come in the cute little shells that sometimes house the pearls. This may not always be the case. The best thing to do is ask where your clam comes from before you order it. But then again, the Gooey Duck may not be half bad, just big as hell. Click on this link for more information on the Geo Duck:

http://www.wdfw.wa.gov/fish/shelfish/beachreg/2clam.htm.

O'bama, You Have A Lot To Do To Achieve This Myth Called "Unity"

Okay, I know I have been on the Political Soap Box for awhile now, but I have something really eating away at me. As I sit and type this blog, outfitted in my Obama for President Button, I’m quite upset. I got a text from a friend this morning saying that Mr. Stephen Baldwin made a comment that if Sen. Obama won the Presidency that he would leave the country. Now, I don’t know this statement to be true but if it is I can take it to mean one of two things…1) You would rather leave the country than have it run by a black man or 2) You would rather leave the country than have it run by a Democrat. My mind is telling me the statement means the first option.

Mr. Baldwin, I’m having a problem with you and your statement. I’m sure there are plenty of prejudiced, racist people in this country and world for that matter who feel the same way, but you being a “so-called” celebrity who makes his money in the movies and books should know better. But then again, I’m glad you said it (allegedly) because you exposed yourself for the true person you are. Now, if all the black people in this good Ol’ U S of A didn’t run for the border when that Racist, Money Grubbing, War Starting, Burning Bush took office than why would you feel the need to vacate the premises because a black man is now the country’s Commander in Chief? Maybe that’s it. Its not that you believe the policies he plans to implement are wrong but his skin tone is wrong. If he were 100% white I bet that would change everything wouldn’t it? Because a McCain Presidency would be a continuation of George “What the Fuck am I doing” Bush’s Presidency and he has, hands down, the worst Presidency in US History. Mr. Baldwin, I believe you are still a resident of the United States at this time.

Not only have you offended me, but I’m sure plenty of white Obama supporters as well. You have disgraced yourself and your fans, if you have any. If you haven’t noticed Mr. Baldwin, most of Obama’s Supporters are WHITE! He’s not relying on the “Black” Vote to win. You may want to rethink your statements before you make them next time and remember that us “Obama” supporters support you also.

4th of July

I'm at a cookout today and I've seen all kinds of things. It has been fun though. I'm tired, stuffed and hung over. Well not actually hung over but I did try Ciroc for the first time today. Anyhoo, today reminds me of a song...

O beautiful for spacious skies,

For amber waves of grain,

For purple mountain majesties

Above the fruited plain!

America! America!

God shed his grace on thee

And crown thy good with brotherhood

From sea to shining sea!

Listen to my favorite version of this song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zOHoN-8ibsY

Can Barack Obama Actually Win?

Now that Sen. Barack Obama has won the Democratic Nomination, can he actually win. As a CNN Election Headquarters junkie, I constantly witness the personal attacks on this man. When he was in a dead heat with Ol' Hillary, the media's spin of every single aspect of his life prolonged his impending victory. They criticized his pastor, the past affiliations and even scrutinized his early campaign contributors. They picked apart his speeches, his wife's speeches and his Capitol Hill voting record. Nevertheless he persevered and captured the coveted Democratic "Top Dog" Spot. Now that's he's there the media has taken a different spin.

While he was avidly campaigning during the Primary Season, the media charged after this man, slept outside anywhere he was and gave his speeches Prime time placement. They were just fascinated by his charm, prowess and intelligence. Was it the fact that he was black and actually had an education that intrigued them. Are intelligent, degree carrying black folks a rare breed?

Now that Barack has shut the mouths of his nay sayers, the Media has taken yet another spin on his campaign. One anchor for CNN, who by the way is black, actually said, "Is Barack going to Iraq because he knows the cameras will follow him and he can look good in this campaign?" Excuse me, but I thought to win the Presidency a candidate had to campaign. So now he's dammed for campaigning. Whenever he commits a decent act he's accused of being a media hog. Of course if something happens to not compliment his perceived character, the anchors spend nights writing how damaging it is to his campaign and in turn run the "so called" damaging story every 15 mins as headline news.

I truly believe that whomever the anchors damn less will be the winner. Americans listen to higher political authorities like these Republican and Democratic Analysts, Super Delegates etc., instead of listening to their internal voices. Gas is kicking my hind parts and its getting harder and harder to feed my family. Let's not talk about the rising cost of medical attention. So why would I vote for John McCain, the Republican? The Burning Bush is a Republican and the country is the worse its ever been. Even during the 80's Recession, Gas didn't reach $5 a gallon. Both my parents were out of work and my little sister was just a few months old. Even with all that I don't remember it being this hard for us to make it. In this instance, I plan to vote for Barack Obama. Not because he's black, but because he represents Change and this country needs that like oxygen.

My advice to everyone: Look at your situation and the situations of those around you, pray and vote for the best candidate in your eyes and F&*K the media! Oh, most important. Go Vote in November!

Mama's Baby, Papa's Maybe!

As a woman who is almost perfectly in tune with her body, I know there are only 2 days within the month where pregnancy is possible. I know this because A) I learned this in biology class in high school and how to count up my ovulation days and periods on the calendar and B) I feel the exact moment when my egg is dropping. I often say, “I’m laying eggs today.” So, not knowing who my baby’s daddy will be is not a concern of mine. However, determining the paternity of offspring proves problematic for some people.

Everyday, we watch these train wrecks unfold on daytime talk shows, “I’ve tested 15 men, who’s the daddy?” WTF? Are you trying to tell me that you sleep with 15 men or more within this two day period and you are not a working girl? Okay, I get that every woman may not know when she is ovulating like me. I’ve talked to 4 other woman and not one of them know when they are most fertile during the month. With this point taken, I’m still having a problem. You mean to tell me you have slept with 15 men or more during the month and you are not a working girl? How could you put your vagina on Front Street like that? Not only is that totally unsafe, but it’s stupid. A person’s self esteem has to be virtually nonexistent to allow 15 or more men to enter your being. I’m not saying you can’t have 15 partners period, but 15 in one month? Come on.

I always thought those shows were rigged and the trash that graced those stages were just really bad, paid actors. Although it upset me that some women represented themselves that way, I never in a million years thought I would be so cursed as to actually know it to be true. In speaking with my cousin she informed me of a friend of hers who had 3 children, 2 of which have no named father. What? This lady has tested close to 10 men and none of them hit the lucky bull’s-eye. She even tested all the male members of the late night party train that was run on her and no daddy. Again, I asked my infamous question, “Is she a working girl?” The answer was no. The infinite number of possibilities puzzles me. I don’t understand how you can have sex with so many men that you can’t narrow down a group of men, in which one is your child’s father. The sad thing is that the 3rd child has a blood condition and mama isn’t sure the man in the home that’s supposed to be baby’s daddy is baby’s daddy.

Has society gotten so accepting of this mismanagement of coochie that it is suddenly okay to have your children grow up unaware of their roots? I remember a time where women were scorned by the neighborhood and their parents if they passed their coochies out like Halloween candy. Remember Shug Avery? We seriously need to stop buying into this crap. Let’s turn off the ghetto fabulous talk shows and the booty bouncing videos that glorify sex with multiple partners and start raising our children properly. Taking responsibility for teaching our children, especially our young ladies, to conduct themselves like proper young ladies and gentlemen will break the perpetual cycle of wreck less sex and irresponsibility. Men, how about taking time out for your children instead of spending your days on the street corner outside the local convenience store. Tell your daughters how special they are and they won’t need to search for validation from random men. Teach your son’s responsibility and that he is to take care of his children and he won’t spend his time making random babies. Its time to take back our communities and be the unified proud race of old. I’m tired of being embarrassed by my people.

Guns A Blazin

In this country we enjoy certain liberties that have been made available to us by the US Constitution. Amendments to this glorious document granted us the right to free speech, freedom to choose religious practices, free press and the right to a peaceful assembly. Among these so-called "Civil Liberties" is the right to Bear Arms.

Now, I agree with a homeowner's right to protect his home and his family against crime. In today's time, its almost essential as the crime rate has rapidly increased due to the ever worsening economy. However, does this right entitle you to shoot random people on the street for crimes not involving you? I understand that it may be hard for you to witness a wrong, but is it morally, constitutionally, or legally right for you to take matters in your own hands?

Mr. Joe Horn of Pasedena, TX took it upon himself to shoot two burgulars escaping from his neighbors house with some of their possessions. He called 911 and explained to authorities what was happening and proceeded to tell them he was going to stop it. Against the warnings of the 911 dispatch, Mr. Horn exited his home, shot gun in tow and fatally wounded the two suspects. Yesterday, in court, Mr. Horn got off. Not one charge filed. The suspects were found to be two illegal immigrants.

I have a real problem with this because I can't help but think that If I had pulled the trigger and killed two white men robbing my black neighbor's home, I would have been convicted and sentenced to jail time in excess of 25 years. Especially if the police instructed me to not leave my home. Now, this guy not only ignores the police, he kills two people! I know the men had no right to burgularize this home, but damn. Did they deserve to be shot in the back?

Has this country gone so array that certain people can be so brazen and kill people with no consequences? Or is there an elite club to which people like me are not invited? One thing is for sure: Criminals, it does not pay to committ a crime these days. Ordinary citizens are just as desperate as you are and stop at nothing, including killing yo ass, to protect themselves and people around them.

Criminals: Take heed and get a job, and don't rely on the possessions of others; we will shoot yo ass!

911 Call : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_7jqLie6-Y0 -

Innocence Lost

Never in my life did I ever think that I would be writing a blog about this particular subject. Thank you Mario for bringing this to my attention. Chuck E. Cheese has lost his innocence, so to speak. No the big rat didn't fondle or grope a kid on the arcade floor or anything like that, but the musical selections that throughly entertained us over the years have been compromised.

Now, back in the day, when Chuck E. Cheese was Showbiz Pizza, I loved going there. It was great,fun, magical even. They used to sing this song..." I love Cheese pizza, I eat it all the time...." It was a catchy little diddy that I still remember 22 years later. That's powerful. So when Showbiz Pizza changed to Chuck E. Cheese's I was excited and disappointed at the same time, because I had grown to love Munch- the ape mascot. He was now replaced by a Rat aply named Mr. Chuck E. Cheese. His rhythmic band played melodic sounds to entertain the kid in all of us and embed the Chuck E. Cheese brand in our brains. I soon forgot about Munch and Showbiz and embraced Chuck E. as I swayed back and forth to the music as I gobbled my hamburger and red onion pizza accompanied by my salad from the neverending salad bar. I even had my 22nd birthday party there, equipped with College aged friends terrorizing the kids in the arcade. It was fun for everyone. Where a kid can be a kid right?

So imagine my shock when I witnessed a video of the Infamous Chuck E. Cheese band playing Usher's Love in this Club. You have got to be kidding me. Has Mr. Cheese's profits sunk so low that the band now has to play hip hop and R&B to boost sales? Last time I check that piece was slammed up and jammed up with screaming children and parents popping excedrin. Every single time I drive by, the parking lot is full almost to capacity and on the weekends, Forget about it. My son loves it and I keep the token bucket stocked with at least 100 tokens at a time for his sudden urges to visit the Cheese. I understand and agree that the band needed to change its reportoire and choreography for a hipper, fresher audience, but Usher? And, Love in this Club of all things? A sexually charged song not really made for kids. I would like to think that Mr. Cheese would not stoop so low to get a rise out of the patrons. I hope for his sake and the sake of the children frequenting his establishment that the video was the prank of a bored Cheese employee playing around after hours, because if this is the direction Chuck E. Cheese is headed, what's next, Strippers at Disney World?

Bats in the Belfry

If ever we needed a man. There are some instances where we strong, independent women make this statement. We headstrong women convince ourselves we don't need a man and some of us don't want one. However, there comes a time when we not only want one but need one.

A friend of mine had a bat in her house last night and it scared her half to death. Instead of trying to kill it or chase it out with a boom, she ran in her room, looked the door and jumped on the bed. She called me in frantic mode as she sat rocking back and forth holding herself. I laughed but felt for her at the same time. Where are the men when you need them? A man could have taken care of this instead of her calling 911 to have the Fire Department come and kill the bat. There's A Bat in my House...remember that from Hollywood Shuffle? Actually, they didn't kill the bat but threw it out the window. As the Fire Dept. did their thing, my girl stood on her table shaking like a leaf. She was talking so fast and breathing so hard. I felt so sorry and helpless. I can see it now, my girl standing and screaming in the room as the bat roamed the living room like he paid the rent this month, screaming, "Where are all the men when I need them?"

So after much contemplation, I finally got the answer...men are there to kill those bats, spiders, roaches and rats etc., that sometimes plague us. Let me not forget to mention my other friend's trouble with the Diamond Back Rattle Snake. They are there to hang the shower curtain when it falls, the blinds when they come down ( Samantha, Sex and the City), and move in the new couches when we don't want to pay for delivery. They are handy when the pipes are clogged, the light bulbs need changing and when the car breaks down. Honorable mention: The flat tire needs changing. They are also there to comfort us when we are upset instead of us nursing a bottle of alcohol because we can't stop shaking after the damn bat inhabited the house. My girl was contemplating sleeping in a hotel last night. I wonder if she did. A man could have shut this whole disaster down. Only problem would be if the man were afraid of the bat too. Damn.

BET Awards Revisited.

My people, my people. Here are a few questions and/or comments I had while watching last nights BET Awards.

Why take the time to sag your jeans if you are going to keep pulling them up, Chris Brown?

My child knows Young Jeezy, I put on for my city. How'd that happen?

OK, just because there is a delay doesn't mean you have to curse your entire song. We at home want to hear more than moments of dead air, Young Jeezy and Kanye!

Who were the two broke down chicks in the too little dresses? Oh, they were Keisha Cole's family members.

Why didn't more acts use live bands instead of studio tracks?

Why did Ne-Yo's performance remind me of Michael Jackson's Dangerous performance on the MTV Awards?

What is up with Ashanti wearing her thighs out every time we see her?

Mc Lyte we understand you are a devastating diva who represents on the mic, but why are you screaming your voice overs?

Damn, Alicia, you got some big hips!

Who's idea was it to bring SWV's Old hind parts back? Good to see them though. I see Ms. CoCo cut her nails.

Envogue Reunion? I'm enjoying this part. Good memories. They need to come back.

Why are they making fun of adoption? Don't approve at all.. Shame on you Niecy!

Did Kanye really win or did they give it to him so he wouldn't flip out?

WTF was Rick Ross thinking coming out with his belly on front street?

Who put the molasses in T-Pain's hind parts when he accepted the award with Kanye?

Didn't realize how much I missed Maxwell. Honey, leave the rocks alone and get back in the studio. You have too much talent to waste.

What Academy was Al Green thanking?

WTF did Tom Joyner have on? Wow.

When did Antwone Fisher get a wife?

Why did the girl go onstage with Weezy wearing a black tank, Capri pants , equipped with the purse to match, and why did the whole family accept with him? Were they on the album?

All in all the awards show was one of the better ones, we still have some areas to work on though.

Oh, honorable mention from a friend: Why is alcohol the one thing Diddy decided to push last night? Ciroc vodka is the joint, just what black America needs...more liquor!

Jill Scott Gets Her Man.

My my my Ms. Scott. Well congratulations on your recent engagement. You are truly an inspiration to plus size women everywhere. Hey, women period for that matter and thank you sooooo much for the Butterfly Bra. You Go Girl. You are blessed to find love once again after your divorce. That gives us still single women hope that true romance and love are possible.

However, my question then becomes...is it that easy to find love if you are not a celebrity? When Ms. Scott serenaded us with Lyzell in E flat we truly believed that she was in love and wanted to not only be her but in love with the man she was in love with because it sounded so wonderful. She made love sound so sweet and innocent and deep. We all wanted it and want it. When Ms. Scott announced her divorce we all said oh no..not Lyzell...gone. A part of our hearts died with Jill's relationship. So when Ms. Scott supposedly hooked up with Lamaan Rucker, we were excited again for both of them. Hey Jill, damn girl good catch. Go head!

Now Ms. Scott announces her engagement to Jon Roberts, her drummer and it seems like true love once again. Again, we are happy for her, at least I am. But, I have to wonder, if I put myself in her situation, would my friends be so happy for me? Would I be looked upon with admiration or with one eyebrow raised?

Attack of the Killer Children

While sitting in the lobby of my son's Dentist this morning, I witnessed several different interactions with the other waiting parents and their kids. These relationships left me quite puzzled and damn near upset. Why would I be upset or concerned for that matter, about someone else's business? Because their experiences inter feared with my experience. I hate going places and they are plagued with out of control children. Stores, restaurants, and Airplanes are the worst. Just shoot me already. Each time I see a childzilla I look at mine and say, "I wish you would." He looks at me and says, "What did I do?". I say, "Nothing and you better not even think about it." What do the parents of the childzilla do in most cases? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Hello! This is not creative expression, its annoying, torture to the people around you. Wake up. But, I digress. Oh, back to the dentist appt...

First of all let me say that I realize that every place I go will not be filled with tranquility and zen like vibes, however, some places like the lobby of a dentist office should be quiet enough to give the kids the opportunity to think about their impending doom behind the big white doors. As I sat there and waited for my son to finish I picked up a magazine: 30 Minute Meals by Rachel Ray and started to plan next week's experimental meals to break up some of the monotony in my monochromatic life. When all of a sudden a couple walks in with two little boys, Daniel and Tristan. Why do I know the names of these children? Because the father proceeded to scream their names across the lobby in a loud booming voice every time Tristan got out of hand which was every 30 seconds. The kids looked to be about 4 and 3 with Tristan being the youngest. They were dressed alike in blue and red racing outfits with blond newsboy cuts. To the average onlooker they would present Angelic and peaceful. NOT! Well at least Tristan wasn't.

Tristan proceeded to slap his, what I deduced to be his step mom, in the face and kick her as she tried to put his shoes on after dad took Daniel to the little boy's room. All she said was, "Sit still honey so I can put your shoes on so you don't slip on anything." Dad and Daniel come out and step-mom goes to the car for something. Dad gets on the phone and starts yelling at baby mama, I assume, for the kid's social security numbers and that she'd better come up with it. When she said she didn't have it, he yelled at her, "Yeah the boys are fine and I told you they had dentist appts. this morning, bye!" He hangs up as step-mom re-enters the lobby. She sits beside dad and helps Daniel get a book. Tristan, obviously bored with this situation, decided to blow the Popsicle stand and leave. Now, I'm faced with a dilemma. Do I chase Tristan or not since I seem to be the only one who witnesses his escape. I decide in the affirmative, because after all if it were mine I'd want intervention, so I get up to apprehend Master Tristan in the parking lot. As I am in motion, Dad notices him in his escape and sprints for the door. He nabs Tristan in the nick of time and swats him on the bottom twice and says get inside and drags him in kicking and screaming. Relieved I didn't have to intervene, I sat back down and grabbed my magazine.

They sit Tristan at the kiddie table where he proceeds to kick the walls and bang on the table. Now the other parents, myself included, are annoyed and curious to see how this family is going to handle this situation. Dad proceeds to yell, "Daniel!!!, I mean Trissssstan, Stop it!" This guy is so confused, he can't even remember the name of the child he is yelling at. This exact exchange happens, no exaggeration, 6 more times. "Daniel!!!!!, I mean Trissssstan, Daniel!!!, I mean Trissssstan, Stop it!" You get the picture. On top of all of this, Tristan is yelling and screaming at the top of his lungs.

Realizing that the noise is not going to cease anytime soon, I try to tune Tristan out and get back to my magazine. In walks a woman who doesn't look a day older than me, with a Gothic young lady around the age of 11 or so. This mother asks her daughter if she is in pain and the girl totally ignores her. She stares straight ahead and never acknowledges her questions. The mother spends 3 mins pleading for the girl to answer her and she finally says no. The mother then gets up to take something to the window and then comes back and says, " I know you are upset but you don't have to forget your manners," and then kisses her on the head. This continued the entire time they were there. So now the scene is...Tristan screaming and yelling at the top of his lungs, kicking the wall, Dad screaming the names of both children and mom in the corner begging her child to talk to her. Calgon, take me away!! Ugh.

To add to this madness, my son comes out and says the doctor wants to see you. They proceed to tell me that he has 3 cavities and will need to be sedated. OK I say and we enter into the sedation room. They give him the knock out punch and I proceed to read yet another magazine. After about 10 minutes, he starts truly bugging and falling all over the seats, me and the floor. I tell him to get up and lay across the group of 3 chairs on the other wall. He does so and he is blissfully sleep and I'm calmly reading my magazine once again. I never realized you could make so many different dishes with pears! Finally a piece of paradise in the midst of this ever shrinking hell hole. Well, paradise was short lived as another mother and her two children entered the room. Now, I had to pick Len up and sit him next to me with him slobbering at the mouth and speaking in tongues. The mother and her two sit down and her baby son, dressed in a t shirt, a diaper and sandals, proceeds to jump around the room and through his Gerber Finger treats onto the floor and eat them. The mother does little to stop this. So now I have Len speaking in tongues and falling all over the place( he actually ended up in the floor), little half dressed baby throwing Gerber treats, Spongebob on the television and a pounding headache. I actually said, this is such a major disaster as I shook my head. To top it all off, the woman is looking at me and Len as if she's studying us and her child in now headfirst under the chairs. I don't get it. Has parenting come to this....let the child do what they want? They finally come and get Len for his mini surgery and I go back to the main lobby.

As I enter, Tristan is still terrorizing the place, Daniel is in the back and two new children have joined the group. However, these children, a little black girl and boy, were playing quietly with their parents and were the most mild mannered children I've ever seen. Hmmm. What gives? I sat with my magazine, tried to have a phone conversation which I couldn't complete because Tristan made the voice on the other end inaudible. Damn. I wanted to check my acct balance and had to go outside because the automated system was too sensitive to continue working through Tristan's yells. Once back inside, Len was ready. He came out all crusty with fluoride dried on his lips, staggering and falling against the walls, talking bout he couldn't feel his lips. My, my, my what a trip from Hell.

As horrible as this sounds, it was actually mild compared to some of the things I have witnessed over the years. The battle I had with my own child on December 20, 2006 in the Gymboree at Columbiana Mall comes flooding back to my memory. You know it had to be bad if I remember the date. We proceeded to fight in the middle of the store which ended up with me carrying him kicking and screaming out of the store and dropping him in the floor in the middle of the mall, stepping over him and leaving. Thank God my girlfriend Patrice was with me or I don't know how he would have made it home that night. She brought him home, made him dinner and put him to bed as I terminated my parental rights in the mall. He knew I was finished because he went from calling me Mama to Ms. Ursula. It was a spectacle and I'd never been so embarrassed in my life. So, I can imagine the humiliation that parents feel when their children act out in public. However, most parents choose to not do anything about it or yell and scream with no results. I guess I'm asking for there to be a better way to control these children and these on the brink of insanity parents. Any suggestions? Anyone?

Excuses

Excuses are tools of incompetence. They build monuments of nothingness. Those who use them seldom do anything.

After recent conversations with my girlfriends I was inspired to ask the question: Why are men full of excuses?

We were discussing the fact that one of my girlfriends pretty much laid what she wanted and expected on the line. With that being said she also encouraged and highlighted the potential in her man to achieve these things. Now she didn't ask for a million dollar home and a Porsche parked out front, but she did say she wanted a home, a nice car and the ability to vacation.

These are simple things we as women want. Who wouldn't want security? In my circle of friends we all have master's degrees and good jobs. As a matter of fact, I'm the only one who doesn't, so I think, have a good job I mean. But that's another blog entirely. Anyhoo, when you have a professional, educated woman, she isn't willing to just accept anything, at least not all the time. If we have our own things, we want a man with something to bring to the table be it education, a good job etc. We aren't likely to accept that dude on the couch smoking week, and playing video games all day.

Back to my friend, she told him that she did not approve of his unwillingness to handle his business, effectively finish school and being comfortable in a dead end job like Kentucky Fried. Instead of him heeding her warnings or actually accepting constructive criticism, he flipped and got mad at her for saying what really needed to be said. Sometimes, people including myself, need a swift kick in the hind parts to get it together. However, I don't get mad at the people telling me even if it does hurt or sting a little. We deduced that he would start making up excuses to break up with her because she raised the bar and he's afraid to reach for it. He's used to doing the bare minimum and doing more would be stepping out of his comfort zone.

Sure enough, he started bringing up old stuff and things she said and/or did in 2005. Last time I checked this was 2008. If he didn't get mad or upset about it then, why is he upset about it now. Excuses. Instead of saying, hey I love you and I'm gonna try, he gets mad and acts like a child. My head hurts now cause my one of my best friends is upset over a man who can't see just how much she loves him and wants to be with him, but wants him to be the person she knows he can be. Problem is, he doesn't see it in himself. How do you fix it?

The argument of most men in this situation or others like it would be that the woman is trying to change him into something he isn't. "She knew what I was when she met me." This is absolute bull. A woman is not wrong to want a man to want more out of life. Who said you have to just do the bare minimum to make it. Strive to be all you can be. You only get one shot, why blow it? There is more to life then fun and games. There comes a time when you have to grow up, be a man and accept some responsibility. That is such a turn on to women...A man who has his life together. Hmmmm, Sexy. A man who takes care of his children and takes charge...sexy. A man who takes care of home and still treats his woman like the queen she is...extremely sexy!

Women are nurturers by nature, but we don't want to take on the role of our partner's mother! We want an equal, not someone we have to carry. If we handle all things alone, why do we want another able bodied person in the house adding to the light bill, food bill, insurance etc. who isn't helping. Spouses are supposed to be help meets, not I need helpers! I may be a little harsh but time is out for all this dragging and pulling and begging a man to be a man. We deserve better than that. Instead of getting themselves together they come up with more excuses than a man going to jail... "You keep an attitude, I don't like what you said 3 years ago, You make me feel bad about myself, Your family doesn't like me, You're a dream killer, etc." This is such a crock of bull if I ever heard it. We would never criticize a man who is trying, making an effort, getting off his lazy hind parts and looking. At least most women won't. However, when your man becomes a "Franklin Swift"( Wesley Snipes character in the movie Disappearing Acts by Terry McMillan) and you spend more time asking if he looked for work that day or called that person or that person, its time to speak up. For women looking to get married, that is terrifying. This means nothing will ever be taken care of, the children wouldn't be picked up if need be, the bill money would be mismanaged etc. Or the woman would have to do everything to make sure the house is running effectively and if that is the case, why is the husband even there? They make toys for sexual gratification!

How about this, Men get yourselves together, be men, and we won't have to voice our opinions about you. Therefore your feelings won't be hurt and you won't have to make up stupid excuses to end the relationship rather than accepting responsibility. Ladies here's the new motto: Only Real Men Need Apply!