This Is It

Last night I went to see Michael Jackson's This Is It! This is a must see for every Michael Jackson fan and anyone ever remotely interested in his music. Going into the theater I felt quite sad, the same way I felt entering the doors of the Staples Center for MJ's Memorial Service. I cried before I even sat in my seat. All I could think about is how this was the last "new" body of work I'd ever see from Michael Jackson and all that would be left is snippets of past performances, repeats of specials/news casts and fond memories. This thought alone made me quite sad and I started to cry as I played This Is It on my ipod in the theater. I treated the movie goers to a mini Michael Jackson concert prior to the movie equipped by loudly sang vocals from my son Len. It was greatly appreciated.

When the movie started I felt my body fill with butterflies generated from anxiety and excitement at the same time. The tears flowed as I listened to the dancers and crew talk about how happy they were to be at that place and time in their lives; to actually work and be in the presence of The King of Pop. I totally understood and wished I could have gotten that close to him in some form or fashion. The one time I was in his presence "he" wasn't there, just in spirit. I guess to some, this may sound like Idol Worship, but to a die hard fan and a lover of music... its an amazing accomplishment as he is a special gift from God to all of us. It was a bucket list item for me that I guess I can scratch off. As the movie progressed I got into the music and the showmanship of Michael Jackson. I was mesmerized and in total awe of him. No way this man is 50 approaching 51 and moving like this!! My son was singing all the songs at the top of his lungs along with Michael. He could not have sang any louder if I asked him to. I didn't realize he knew so many MJ songs but then again if that's all you hear you have no choice. Guess I did a pretty good job exposing him!

From just watching this film I wanted to jump out my seat and run around the theater. I felt as though I could just jump through the screen and be there. I can only imagine what my reaction would have been in London...yes I was going. My finance is friends with Travis Payne the choreographer and had secretly arranged tickets and backstage passes for the both of us as a major surprise to me. WOW! I think I would have clawed him to death during the show! He probably would have left me there! LOL! We both can't believe that we didn't think to call Travis when we were in LA to ask to witness a rehearsal as they were in full swing when we were there for my sister's graduation. That thought is heartbreaking for the both of us.

As MJ performed Billie Jean, my all time favorite song, the tears streamed down my face; not from sadness but from excitement and electricity pulsing through my body. I sang and cried all at the same time. MJ was right...Love lasts forever. I'll never forget, I'll never let go, I'll always celebrate his life and memory. In words of MJ...I'll let it Simmer!! Long live his music and memory. If you haven't seen This Is It...please go and experience what millions already have...the magic of Michael Jackson!

Michael Jackson: Love Lasts Forever

Are Teachers Allowed to Show Biases Towards Students?

Today was the first day of school and my son came home all smiles but declaring he did not like his teacher. I was not surprised to hear this because at the open house he hoped and prayed he didn't have her as a teacher, much to his dismay, he did. I was pleasantly surprised because I felt she was a woman who could keep him in line and plus since my child is somewhat sexist, it was a good fit. Anyhoo, back to the first day, he explained to me that his teacher from last year came into the assembly and hugged all her former students. Noticeably she bypassed him with not even a hello, to get to students in line behind him. Obviously it was deliberate enough for him to make mention of the snub and get upset about it. My response was, "Well you know Mrs. Heirs doesn't like you." My question to all you wonderful teachers out there...Is it ever okay to outwardly display dislike or hatred for one of your students?

Last school year, my son and Mrs. Heirs had quite a few run ins, some were most definitely his fault but others, were not. Mrs. Heirs impressed me as the type of teacher who didn't really want to be there or wasn't enthusiastic about teaching when we met at Open House last year. Against my better judgement, I left him in her class. Now, my child is not a saint and he quickly built a reputation in her class. However, some instances, he was not even present for and was blamed. He got into several fights where he was jumped in the bathroom by multiple boys and that wasn't addressed only observed he was involved. It got to the point where I felt he was just being blamed for stuff because it was convenient. I had several parent/teacher conferences to which I always requested the Principal's presence. Needless to say he hasn't made one yet.

Now as I said earlier, my child is not a saint by any means. He has attitude problems and anger management issues, however he is also a Gemini and has a surprisingly sweet side. Unfortunately for him and Mrs. Heirs, they only saw the bad sides of each other. I hated having to talk to this lady and hear her annoying, "Ms. Kelllllllllllllyyyyyyy, its Mrs.. Heiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrssssssssssss! Ugh. I was so glad the school year ended and so happy he was able to start 4th grade with a clean slate.

As a parent, I feel that if you are teacher you should be able to put personal feelings aside and teach all the children in your class. You don't treat children like adults and display obvious dislike towards them. I don't care how they act. Send their hind parts home and try it again the next day. When the sight of a child affects your whole mood, that's a problem and you don't need to be teaching. I'm not asking teachers to enter the realm of the Convents and flirt with Sainthood themselves, but I don't expect them to deliberately spew and yell harsh words at students either. At this year's open house Ms. Heirs introduced herself with no facial expressions, no variance in her voice, no personality whatsoever, but explained she was "so excited" about the school year coming up. Whatever Chick! I'm really interested in hearing some feedback from all of you teachers out there. Let me know if my expectations are too high of the person I entrust my child to 8hrs a day or what.

Professional vs I'm the Ish..

As a professional in the Entertainment and Fashion Industries, I’ve seen a lot of things in my day both professional and very unprofessional. However, I’ve never seen an incident like the one I was so unfortunately privileged to witness yesterday. Let me preface this incident by saying this: I’ve seen actors break down and run off stage, props torn apart with no regard to the artist, models show up to a photo shoot in less than fashionable clothes and no other outfits to change into and several other oddities. So needless to say I’m used to “so-called” professional people experiencing bouts with temporary insanity. With that said, I was completely taken aback with yesterday.

My partner and I have decided to open a Modeling Agency. She is a make up artist and I’m a photographer so we make a pretty awesome team. We have met an abundant amount of “beautiful” young ladies, all aspiring to join the ranks of Tyra, Naomi and Heidi. For the most part these ladies have been very professional and respectful of my partner and me. We were fortunate enough to be able to say our experiences have been pretty pleasant up until this debacle. Yesterday we met with a model for the first time to conduct a few “test shots”. She brought a great array of interchangeable outfits, shoes, and jewelry to the shoot. She had an outgoing personality and a good luck. She asked questions and was cooperative. The first half of the shoot was absolutely perfect. I got some edgy and high fashion shots as well as some great beauty shots. Then she changed into a cute black and white dress, which she quickly let me know cost $200. My partner and make up artist decided that the dress pattern was dynamic enough for her to add some drama to our model’s face with black and white paint. She created these white clouds on her eyes and outlined them with black. It was very different but edgy at the same time. Our model flipped and said, “I gotta wash this off my face”, and proceeded to get up, go in the bathroom and wash her face without even taking one test shot. Our mouths dropped open and the room fell silent. Mind you we had another model and photographer there as well. Liken this event to being at a party and someone abruptly taking the needle off the record in the middle of your favorite groove. Huh? Are you serious? You are actually washing your face right now?

Note to Aspiring Models: It is your job to do what the photographer tells you to do in the make up provided. As long as it’s tasteful, as in not lewd, you should be willing to wear whatever. You can’t tell a designer you don’t like their designs and you never tell the make up artist you don’t like the make up. Every shot you take is not going to be a “Glamour Shot”! I don’t care if you are told to put a corncob pipe on the end of your nose, your job as a model is to make every woman in the world want one. Ladies, get over yourselves, your “so-called” good looks and lace fronts and actually humble yourself to the point of being able to take and receive great photographs. Your job as a model is not to have an opinion but to provide a blank canvas for others to create. If you want creative control, actually pay to have your photos taken.

Michael Jackson

As I’m sure you all have noticed, I have not blogged about the untimely passing of Michael Jackson. Most of you know my story, my reaction, my trip to the memorial etc. I wrote an article for Midland’s Live Magazine concerning this and I’m currently working on a DVD of my pictures and video from my trip. When I feel that I can truly blog about this subject with out tears I will write an account of my feelings about him, his music, his passing, my experience purchasing "This Is It" Concert tickets, etc. I just didn’t want to blog again after the fact without at least mentioning it, but for now, its back to our regularly scheduled program.

Does weight loss affect mental stability?

I know, I know...you guys are thinking, "What is wrong with her?" But this is a valid subject and worthy of discussion...

Does weight loss affect mental stability or boost self esteem therefore correcting brain damage?
You ever notice when a woman who is significantly over weight looses weight she looses her damn mind? Most women who undergo drastic body transformations often leave their husbands, boyfriends, fiances, etc. ( I personally know women who have done this and one that is contemplating it) They all of a sudden believe they can do much better and most of the time they trade up. Why is that? Well let's see...

Some women feel they are less of a person or less "sexy" when they are over weight. So when they get a man they are so happy that someone is interested in them, they settle. If that man happens to be good looking, then that woman has a "trophy" and is proud of that man and lives through him. Their world in centered around that man they were able to pull. Now secretly, that woman is feeling the pain of the weight cause things at home aren't what they appear to be. That man isn't really all that attracted to her and she spends her days and nights thinking of ways to either loose weight or rekindle the long blown out fire. Consequently, that man doesn't take the time to woo her anymore or be romantic or anything. As a matter of fact, he acts a damn fool, because why? He can! "She ain't going nowhere and who want her?" So now both partners are brain damaged and look at life through tainted glasses. So what happens when that woman finally looses the damned weight she's been carrying for years? Other men start to notice her and make her feel like a real W-O-M-A-N!! Suddenly, her trophy looks like Bobby Brown on a crack day and her eyes shift elsewhere. That man, is out the door before he knows what hit him. His take on it...." How could she do this to me, I've been there, I've helped, I loved when she had all that weight. That don't count for nothing?' Nope, cause its all about how you make that woman feel. She should feel loved and adored at any size. Weight loss will just enhance that. Fellas, check yourselves!! Ladies, this scenario can easily be flipped!! Don't get cute!

These now skinny minis are often promiscuous and dress scantily because now they are anxious to show off that new body. Believe it or not, self-esteem has a lot to do with how others view you. That doesn't make sense ( self esteem is esteem of self, so you should feel what you want and F everyone else!) It makes perfect sense. You may feel one way, but when you go virtually un-noticed in a room, or you are always the one standing on the wall at the club while your girlfriends are dancing with men, that hurts. Sometimes you are noticed but only mocked because of how fat you are and repulsive to others. Better yet, you are virtually ignored and avoided by loved ones when you want intimacy. That's a real dream killer ain't it. (Brain Damage). You feel unworthy of being with anyone and start to disgust your own self. You start to co-sign with your partner and make fun of yourself with them just to cushion the blow. I would like to say we can get along in this world without others, but that just isn't true. We can spout all the lines we want, it won't change the fact that yes we all get lonely sometimes even when we are with "so-called" loved ones. ( sing Jill.....Cause I'm lonely whenever you're around..")

Attacking the "fat" people around us is a societal mishap that is all too prevalent nowadays. How about put yourself in that person's shoes and see how you feel. Imagine not being able to buckle a seat belt on an airplane and having to ask for an extension or better yet, imagine being thrown off a plane or having to purchase two seats! ( you all saw "Why Did I Get Married?" )Think about how you would feel if you waited in line for hours to ride your favorite roller coaster and was told you were too fat to ride when it came time to get on. How would you feel then? Its easy to say, "Loose weight, exercise, stop eating!" Yeah, easy to say but damn hard to do. So how do we fix this? How about encourage the "fat" people around you to get healthy and loose weight. Tell them you love them and want them to be around for a long time. Hell, work out with them, help them set goals and congratulate them when they achieve the goals they set. This way there will be less instances of "transformed" women loosing their damn minds.

Yes weight loss does affect mental stability. It causes people to feel free, to want to do more things, to love harder! Its up to the people in these folk's lives to determine what their position will be....supportive and loved even more or critical and left alone!

Week one done!

Well folks,

I promised last week that I would take you all with me on my weight loss journey. I worked hard this past week and stuck to my diet, no matter how hard it got or frustrating or tiresome, I stuck to it. I am proud to announce that in the first week I lost 11 pounds!! I'm proud of myself and looking forward to the weeks to come. I'm heading to the gym tonite to crank it up a notch, look out now. Hopefully this inspires or encourages someone!

Lesson 4: Stick to it! No matter what, don't give up!

The Meaning of Romance

Romance in my opinion is on the rise. At least the hope for romance, the anticipation of it. So exactly what is it? Well Romance is what you make it, it's whatever makes your partner smile and feel loved and special. So lovers, here are some examples of romance to spice up your love lives.

On a Budget:

1. Send your loved one a greeting card and write how you feel on the inside.

2. Take your loved one on a picnic in the park.

3. Read your loved one poetry or mail a piece of poetry to him/her

4. Share an ice cream cone or waffle bowl ( courtesy of Marble Slab Creamery)

5. Rub your partner's feet or give them a pedicure.

6. Run your loved one a bubble bath equipped with rose pedals and candlelight.

Sit by the tub and feed them grapes or strawberries.

7. When helping them pack for a trip, hide a card or letter in their bag so they will find it while they are away.

8. Make a cd of songs expressing how you feel.

9. Make your loved one breakfast in bed: french toast with strawberries or a nice omelet with a glass of orange juice. ( feed it to them)

10. Take a late night walk ( in a safe neighborhood) under the stars and talk.

11. Make Coupons that your loved one can redeem with you good for whatever you or they like or need.

12. Make time to be with them or talk to them on the phone for extended periods.

13. Give a daily "I Love You, I applaud you and I'm happy you're in my life."

14. Give your partner a sensual massage.

15. Make a pallet on the floor in front of a fireplace.

Not concerned about the dough? Try These:

1. Take her to a very nice restaurant that's lit by candlelight.

2. Wisk her away to a nice tropical place and dine her oceanside, while there take a late night walk on the beach.

3. Buy your loved one a nice outfit and take them dancing.

4. Take your loved one to a museum or gallery opening or take in a show ( notice how the most dapper man in the country wined and dined his wife, take lessons)

5. Purchase your loved one a new wardrobe or a few key pieces.

6. Treat your loved one to a spa weekend.

7. Take an exotic vacation.

8. Fly away for dinner at an exclusive restaurant.

9. Go sailing and kiss under the moonlight.

10. Make love under a waterfall.

11. Send her favorite flowers every week to her job or send your man a special gift to his job each week.

12. Take a late night drive in a convertible on a summer night.

13. Go camping and roast marshmellows together.

Hopefully these help some of you romance challenged people and yes I have personally experienced most of these. Feel free to add to the list if you like.

Top Ten Things To Do This Summer

This summer I challenge you all to enjoy yourselves to the fullest! Life is great, even though you may be going through; find the great things in life and enjoy them. Here are some suggestions:

Top Ten Things you should do this summer

1. Run you toes through sand at the beach

- Take time to feel the sand under your feet and enjoy the squishy feeling.

2. Stand outside in the rain and enjoy the feeling of getting wet

- Do this only if you have acceptable, or weather proof hair! If you don't, get some.

3. Go play a game of Laser Tag or race Go-Karts

- Sometimes we need to feel like a kid again and have some fun for a change.

4. Tell that secret crush how you feel!

- Secretly liking someone will never manifest a real relationship.

Be bold and speak your mind, if he/she doesn't bite at least you'll know.

5. Take yourself to a show.

- Sometimes its good to be entertained by others. Find a play, concert, poetry reading.

6. Read a good book

- stimulate your mind with a good book, be it self-help, a novel or non-fiction.

7. Do something you've never done before

- time to explore new things and get our of your comfort zone. Try it, who knows

you may like it.

8. Do something that gives you an adrenaline rush!

- try bungee jumping, riding a roller coaster, sky diving, etc. A rush of adrenaline is good.

9. Take a step toward a healthier you.

-Change at least one thing in your diet for the better; drink Mona vie, eat more fruit,

cut out sweets, drink more water. Pick one.

10. Commune with God more.

- Develop a relationship with God and he'll develop one with you.

Bonus: Change your thinking

- You'll be surprised how far a positive mind can take you. It takes more strength to frown

than to smile, so turn that frown upside down. Always look for the silver lining!!

Hope this has helped someone, Amen.

Lesson 3: Enjoy life, you only got one. Make the most of it. Its the little things that mean a lot.

Hating on a Whole New Level

Ladies and Gentlemen,

When did we enter an era when we should be ashamed of the things we have worked hard for? Excuse me If I offend anyone with what I'm about to say, but since when do poor people resort to vandalising the rich or upper middle class? You can't blame someone else for your mistakes!!

I'm not saying people can't be upset about losing their jobs or having their homes foreclosed on, but its not right to go bash the windows out of your neighbors home because they are still residents in good standing. This is America, where all things are possible. If you don't believe that leave and see how fast you bring yo ass back here. People flood this country everyday for a better opportunity and yes we are in a recession, but our recession is a whole helluva lot better than some countries' economic boom. That's real.

So because we are in a recession, our President can't date his wife? Everyone assumes taxpayers paid for his trip to Broadway with his lovely wife. Uh, doesn't this man work ( and damn hard I might add) for his paycheck and didn't he write a couple books prior to the White House that gained him several million dollars? People, you are acting like he can only afford to take Michelle to Cheesecake Factory or something. You criticize him for putting mustard on his hamburger ( he thinks he's better than us!). Please, my dad puts mustard on his hamburgers and he works everyday for his money. I mean if there was ever a member of the "working class" its my dad, so really.

Its gotten so bad that people throw things at other's luxury automobiles, bash out home windows and frown upon opulence. Ummm, this is a problem. The message being sent is that misery loves company and everyone should turn over their monies and live poor like the rest of America. So untrue! Okay, let's break this down: 97% of Americans will be classified middle class and lower. That leaves 3% in the upper class, the mongo rich, so to speak. Now, how did that 3% get there? Hard work, intellect, hard work, positive thinking, drive, and did I mention hard work? Now, there are some who inherited millions, but even those funds were gained on the back of likely some immigrant who came to this country through Staten Island and again "worked hard" and took advantage of all the things this country has to offer. These people but their pants on one leg at a time as do we all, so there is no difference. We can do it also, the question is do we want to. We have the ability to live our lives by design, we just have to use it. As Chris Gardner ( Pursuit of Happyness, Author) said this morning, " The Calvary ain't coming and your life ain't gonna fall out the sky." You have to go get it. "Pursuit of Happiness"...the pursuit part means you have to do something! Make a move, get a plan, set a goal and execute. Dreams are nice but they don't come true by themselves.

So now the dreamers of the country are bashing the achievers of this country because they haven't achieved. Its not bad taste to drive a Mercedes this day in time. Dammit, If I worked my ass off for it, I want it and will drive it. What's wrong with you people? Now, I'm not saying don't be charitable. Give back, help your church, get involved in missions, help someone in need. That's what God expects us to do. The Bible says the poor will always be among us, so there is always work to be done. Be a Blessing to others so you can be Blessed! That's the key! Pay it forward!! When you help others you are Blessed beyond measure. Did you know Mother Teresa is worth more money than Donald Trump? Her foundation is rolling in millions upon millions of dollars, but we don't think about that because we see her dressing meagerly and always helping others. She's not flashy. I don't necessarily agree with having to look and act poor when you are not, but I believe in living within my means and getting the things in this life I want. We only live once, why are we spending our one time around the track miserable and not going after all we can get. If you aren't working towards something we are wasting your time here. Trust me, there ain't no do overs!

Lesson 2: Stop hating others for having what you don't. Get off your butt and get it for yourself. Tyler Perry, Chris Gardner, Jim Carrey, to name a few, were all homeless when they made a decision to no longer live that way. All it takes is a decision. If you don't like something change it. And yes, I'm taking my own advice!

A Change Gone Come

Well folks, I"m blogging because I'm embarking on a new part of my life. I've been quite unhappy for a while about my weight and now I'm doing something about it. I got myself all motivated and ready to go or as the ol campaign addage would have it: Fired up and Ready to Go!! Rev. Run told me in his daily words of wisdom a few weeks ago," If you are striving for a better, more fulfilling life, a little change in your approach can make a Huge difference!! (consider this) If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten, Change something". I watched "Why Did I Get Married " 3 times this weekend and like Sheila (Jill Scott's Character) I was down on myself and my weight. So I've decided to change it. I'm getting married next year and want to be a knock out walking down that aisle. It aint gonna happen with me just dreaming about it.

I have to admit, I've been quite nervous about this diet. Not that I don't want to loose, but because I'm afraid I won't. See, until recently, nothing ever went right in my life, negative thing after negative thing, so my mind is so conditioned to always receiving negative results. I'm so used to losing. I realize I have to change my thinking and therefore change my way of life. It took a good friend to remind me of that this morning. I finally admitted to him that I was nervous because I so desperately want this to work and I have anxiety about it not working. However, he set me straight and told me to just do the damn diet as prescribed and it will work. So, I turned it over to God, ( he knows my heart's desire) and I'm going full steam ahead.

I weighed this morning and I weighed 275 lbs. Ive never revealed my weight before to anyone, but weight watchers. Me revealing makes it more real and shows i'm serious. Im now accountable to everyone to show just how this can be done and will be done by me. I hope I'm motivating someone else as well. Follow me on this journey won't you? Here we go...This is my before shot!

Lesson 1: God has already given us the tools to make the most of this life and live a life of design. If you don't like something change it, dreams don't manifest themselves without action. Identify what you want and get moving!

Color Me Badd!!

Wow, So much has happened since I last blogged. We have a new President named Barack Obama, I went to the Inauguration, I turned 35...alot has transpired which brings me to this blog.

Last week Monday I turned 35! With that new year I resolved to make this year all about me and what I wanted. Turning 35 reassured me that I was going in the right direction. After Christmas, I prayed and prayed and prayed some more for some direction in my life. I got confirmation from my pastor on New Year's Eve that 2009 is mine and that the year should be all about me. Seriously, he said, Love yourself, let your past go, forgive yourself and embrace your future. These words really hit home with me. He was right, I spent so much time dealing with eveyone else's needs, that I totally neglected my own. I was the last person on my list of people to take care of...I wasn't even a close second, but dead last. So after much prayer and revelation, I agreed and decided to make 2009 about me and me! I prayed about my finances, my relationship, my son, etc. I decided to take a back seat and Let God have his way. He truly knows the desires of my heart and is ushering me to and through these things.

We have the power to speak life and positive things into it and that's what I have been doing and trying to do. Pray with me as I embark on this year's journey of self discovery!!