Monday, June 23, 2008


Excuses are tools of incompetence. They build monuments of nothingness. Those who use them seldom do anything.

After recent conversations with my girlfriends I was inspired to ask the question: Why are men full of excuses?

We were discussing the fact that one of my girlfriends pretty much laid what she wanted and expected on the line. With that being said she also encouraged and highlighted the potential in her man to achieve these things. Now she didn't ask for a million dollar home and a Porsche parked out front, but she did say she wanted a home, a nice car and the ability to vacation.

These are simple things we as women want. Who wouldn't want security? In my circle of friends we all have master's degrees and good jobs. As a matter of fact, I'm the only one who doesn't, so I think, have a good job I mean. But that's another blog entirely. Anyhoo, when you have a professional, educated woman, she isn't willing to just accept anything, at least not all the time. If we have our own things, we want a man with something to bring to the table be it education, a good job etc. We aren't likely to accept that dude on the couch smoking week, and playing video games all day.

Back to my friend, she told him that she did not approve of his unwillingness to handle his business, effectively finish school and being comfortable in a dead end job like Kentucky Fried. Instead of him heeding her warnings or actually accepting constructive criticism, he flipped and got mad at her for saying what really needed to be said. Sometimes, people including myself, need a swift kick in the hind parts to get it together. However, I don't get mad at the people telling me even if it does hurt or sting a little. We deduced that he would start making up excuses to break up with her because she raised the bar and he's afraid to reach for it. He's used to doing the bare minimum and doing more would be stepping out of his comfort zone.

Sure enough, he started bringing up old stuff and things she said and/or did in 2005. Last time I checked this was 2008. If he didn't get mad or upset about it then, why is he upset about it now. Excuses. Instead of saying, hey I love you and I'm gonna try, he gets mad and acts like a child. My head hurts now cause my one of my best friends is upset over a man who can't see just how much she loves him and wants to be with him, but wants him to be the person she knows he can be. Problem is, he doesn't see it in himself. How do you fix it?

The argument of most men in this situation or others like it would be that the woman is trying to change him into something he isn't. "She knew what I was when she met me." This is absolute bull. A woman is not wrong to want a man to want more out of life. Who said you have to just do the bare minimum to make it. Strive to be all you can be. You only get one shot, why blow it? There is more to life then fun and games. There comes a time when you have to grow up, be a man and accept some responsibility. That is such a turn on to women...A man who has his life together. Hmmmm, Sexy. A man who takes care of his children and takes A man who takes care of home and still treats his woman like the queen she is...extremely sexy!

Women are nurturers by nature, but we don't want to take on the role of our partner's mother! We want an equal, not someone we have to carry. If we handle all things alone, why do we want another able bodied person in the house adding to the light bill, food bill, insurance etc. who isn't helping. Spouses are supposed to be help meets, not I need helpers! I may be a little harsh but time is out for all this dragging and pulling and begging a man to be a man. We deserve better than that. Instead of getting themselves together they come up with more excuses than a man going to jail... "You keep an attitude, I don't like what you said 3 years ago, You make me feel bad about myself, Your family doesn't like me, You're a dream killer, etc." This is such a crock of bull if I ever heard it. We would never criticize a man who is trying, making an effort, getting off his lazy hind parts and looking. At least most women won't. However, when your man becomes a "Franklin Swift"( Wesley Snipes character in the movie Disappearing Acts by Terry McMillan) and you spend more time asking if he looked for work that day or called that person or that person, its time to speak up. For women looking to get married, that is terrifying. This means nothing will ever be taken care of, the children wouldn't be picked up if need be, the bill money would be mismanaged etc. Or the woman would have to do everything to make sure the house is running effectively and if that is the case, why is the husband even there? They make toys for sexual gratification!

How about this, Men get yourselves together, be men, and we won't have to voice our opinions about you. Therefore your feelings won't be hurt and you won't have to make up stupid excuses to end the relationship rather than accepting responsibility. Ladies here's the new motto: Only Real Men Need Apply!


Christloj said...

Well this is a very interesting assessment of men, or should I say boys! Men would never sit on their "hind parts" and not pursue their dreams or aspirations. Take me, I am married to what many would call a successful black woman. She has two Master's Degrees and is currently the Director of a major medical conglomerate called HCA. She makes very close to six figures. I am a recently graduated, Bachelor's Degree, Assistant Manager at FedEx Kinkos in Fl. I actually picked up and moved to Florida to help her pursue her dreams. Now most men in my situation would just go along for the ride and do the bare minimum to at least look like they are participating in the house hold funds. Me, no sir. I am still looking to get my Master's, a better job, and more security. I refuse to the token husband. That's what MEN do. Boys just depend on women to play with their little "wee, wees," and nurture them. To play the role of Baby Boy. Unfortunately, some women are suckers for this and actually look for this. They seek security in knowing that this man depends on them, hoping this will keep them close. They want to be the "Bust It" Baby. When he says, "I love you ma," she takes the subliminal message to heart and he means it as such. She becomes his mother. She feeds him, clothes him, holds him when he is hurt, manages his money. Is this his fault? Women really do know who this boy is when they get with him. They use the EXCUSE most women in their situation use, "I can change him." So they take a boy, and try to mold a man, but end up to taking care of a grown ass boy. So I, a MAN, take offense to the "Men" reference. This should be referenced to grown boys. My advice, just like you can't turn a "H" into a housewife, you can't turn a baby boy into a Big Daddy.

Smithers said...

Where is this quote ("Excuses are tools of incompetence. They build monuments of nothingness. Those who use them seldom do anything.") from?