Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Why is Love Blinding?

A girl breaks up with her boyfriend and the very next day she sees him eating dinner with another woman. She cries and feels gut punched but quietly heals. Some months later after episode after episode, this guy drives up to the girl with the other woman in the car and speaks to her like life is all good. This girl still continues to have sex with this man and buy him things even after this guy furnishes the other woman's apartment and goes in debt over this woman. He lies to her and says he's out of town and won't return til a certain time and this girl visits another part of campus and sees this guy's car parked outside the other's place. He takes this woman on a Spring Break trip he and the on again/off again girlfriend was supposed to take together. He stood her up date after date and she still bought him a graduation gift even after he did not attend either of her graduations. Stupid right? Yeah, but the girl was in love and couldn't believe that all the things she and her guy had discussed and all the plans they made were actually all finished. Plus the sex was good so she thought.

Another girl is in college, living on campus and doing well in school. She meets a guy who is basically homeless at the time and falls quickly for him. ( Red Flag 1) He moves in with her into the dorms and basically gets her kicked out of the dorm. They get an apartment together and the drama begins. She quits school, gets a full time job to pay the bills and helps this guy get on his feet. He soon begins to take his checks to buy studio equipment as he is an aspiring rapper and other bs and she is left holding the rent bag time after time. She helps him buy a car before she gets one and is left to ride the bus to work while he drives. He doesn't let her borrow the car, but mind you her name is on the title. After years of mental and verbal abuse , cheating, using, manipulating and self esteem lowering the relationship is at its end for the 500th time and she is crying and wondering what she is going to do without him. Stupid right? Love says no.

A guy fresh out of high school falls for a young girl. Its all good in the beginning. He puts her and her wishes ahead of his and his family. Driven by emotion he leaves college and joins the military to be closer to her. All his money goes to this girl and her mother. He was basically a DAN, what I call a Dumb Ass Nigga. Argument after bitter argument, he still longed to be with her. With nose totally open, he was taken advantage of, used, abused etc. He finally woke up and realized how stupid he had been for so long and decided that he did not need this young lady and broke off the engagement. Why did it go on for sooooooo long? Love.

I've just laid out 3 scenarios of 3 actual people and their battles with the L Word. Why is it that when our heart gets involved with someone we let that person take us through hell and high water? Does giving your heart mean automatically trading in your brain and your independence? Loving someone shouldn't mean that you will take all kinds of BS from them and think that its all a part of the process. Love should not hurt us, but make us smile and feel all warm and fuzzy inside. You should long for the next time you see that person and imagine them in your personal space when they are away. You should look forward to the phone ringing and scramble to get rid of the smile on your face before you answer. The person should be able to tell in your voice how you feel about them- giggly I say. This is what love feels like, not tears and anguish, anger, resentment, loneliness, headaches and gallstones.

Have I described a fairy tale? Yes and no. I believe you should feel that way about a person you are in a relationship with but is that realistic. Yes you are going to have problems, but is expecting to be happy with someone all the time that far fetched? I was told once that marriage is an investment and not necessarily for love. So who's right? Is it that you should put up with BS in a relationship because you are living in a million dollar home and driving the Hummer you desperately wanted or should you be independent and leave if your heart and emotions are not being satisfied? "Can't feed your family with love," I've heard before. So what do you do? Follow your heart or your wallet?

So why is love blinding? Well this is my answer, feel free to offer your own opinion. Love is blinding because we yearn for so long for all of the before mentioned emotions that when we experience that we don't want to let it go. When someone makes you smile, you want more of that feeling. When they make you laugh, you want to laugh more, when they make you moan you want to moan more and louder the next time. You get so engulfed in emotion that you don't see all the stupid stuff you are doing or how you are being used. That girl he was with at the coffee shop was just a friend and nothing is happening there. That guy she was sleeping with in the bed was her childhood friend and they always slept together...totally innocent. He really needed that DVD Player with the surround sound in his bedroom so that his equilibrium would be constant. He really did need help decorating his apartment and wanted the bedroom suite you bought him, but when he took it back cause it wasn't the right color and kept the money, he really meant to give you the money back but fell on hard times.

We want the fairytale to be true so bad that we will do almost anything to get it. We go so far as to turn our backs on our friends, family, God. to be with this person. We are truly blinded to the fact that this person is an asshole leading us down the wrong path in life. Not to say that all relationships are like this..but the early ones usually are. Why? Because we don't know any better and are naive. It takes a relationship of this magnitude to open our eyes and make sure it never happens again. So, I say to all folks in love....Open your eyes people and really look. Do you like what you see?

1 comment:

Christloj said...

I agree, love is blind, it will take over your mind. What you think is love is truly not, you need to elevate and climb. But you are not always blinded by love, but moreso poisoned by love. It can kill your and take over your whole well being. Love comes in different categories: yes you can be happy being with someone for their money, because you are not in love with them, but with the success in which they bring you. You can have emotional love in which you are just that, in love emotionally. So it depends on what you as a "lover" want to base your relationship on. We only allow what we want to happen in relationships. We put the blinders on, we take them off. We drink the kool aid. It is up to us. But we sometimes need to take in the poison,so we can build up an immunity to the disease next time.