Thursday, April 24, 2008

Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder

In today’s society, men and women alike place a lot of emphasis on looks, body type, hairstyle, fashion sense and complexion. Whether or not a man or a woman is attracted to the opposite sex is usually based on one or more of these attributes, at least initially. Models are getting thinner, plastic surgery is running rampant and high fashion has made its way into the mainstream. It’s all about Couture, Botox and Gastic Bypass. What we see on television only perpetuates this mentality. Shows like Extreme Makeover, The Swan, What Not To Wear, Dr. 90210 etc. all tell us we need to change in order to fit into the current perception of Beauty, which is thin, flawless, dressed to kill, and super sexy. This pretty much makes it impossible to truly get to know someone if they do not physically fit this stereotype. However, what you may consider road kill may be someone else’s king or queen. “Everyone has their own definition of Fine”, I always say.

Let’s take me for example. Growing up, I was always the fat girl with the big lips and acne. My so called friends treated me as such and let’s not mention the fact that I was virtually invisible to the boys. Well not invisible, they made fun of me from time to time. Yes, this hurt and yes it damaged my self-esteem. It wasn’t until college that this pain started to subside when I found myself in unfamiliar territory. A young man started to pursue me and changed the way I viewed myself. However, when he decided to leave me for another, he left me wondering, “What’s wrong with me?” Suddenly, all those feelings of inadequacy came flooding back again. It wasn’t until I graduated, got a place of my own and took on an independent attitude that I started to view myself differently once again. I realized that I was a hot commodity and any man would be lucky to have me. I had it going on. I had a good job, car, Bachelors and Master’s Degrees. So, why was I so unhappy? I would go out dancing with girlfriends and they would get all the attention. Men basically looked at me like I had the plague or something and I thought I was on my best game. But then again, people aren’t automatically attracted to everyone they meet. That doesn’t mean you have the right to be unkind to them, It just means that everyone won’t like you and you don’t have to like everyone who does.

It wasn’t until I found myself in the company of men who appreciated the fullness of my lips and hips, the thickness of my thighs and the curves of my calves that I started to truly feel sexy. They appreciated the smoothness of my shoulders and the pretty way my freshly painted toes rocked a pair of sandals. They liked the length and thickness of my hair and the way it played peek-a-boo with my neck. I was told I was Fine As Hell and I’d never heard that before. I got requests to let them stare at me in my swim suit and to wear heals and short skirts to show off my assets. No, my essence wasn’t for sale and no I didn’t put my body on front street, but I definitely got noticed by more than one man and that was very flattering for me, not to mention it bolstered my self-esteem. It was because of this that my true personality was revealed and these men were pr ivied to it exposing my greatest beauty of all, my heart. Is it that I suddenly shed the ugly ducking skin or did I find the puzzle or puzzles looking for the missing piece? I think the latter. Monique said it best, “Go out and find you a fat chaser and have a good time!” Meaning, don’t spend your time pursuing someone who finds you repulsive.

What I’m saying is there is always someone for everyone regardless of looks. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. One woman’s frog is another woman’s prince. You get the idea. Now, by no means am I saying don’t be on you’re A Game. I’m saying do what feels good to you and always look your best, but don’t feel you have to be a size 6 to be sexy or have to have hair down your back to be noticed. Be comfortable in your own skin. Don’t believe the hype. The one for you is out there. What looks good is not always good for you. But by the same token, if the thought of kissing this person makes you want to upchuck your lunch, they aren’t for you either. How will you know? Something inside you will tell you he or she is the one- this I believe and in this instance looks won’t matter.

1 comment:

Christloj said...

Powerful and true. Key point, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And as long as you hold the looking glass, you are always beautiful. We are our own worse critics. We always see ourselves as uglier than others do. When you hear it so many times, you start to believe it, so you tell yourself that you are repulsive. Unfortunately, especially when you are not, you send that vibe to the opposite sex. Men, in particular, can sense low self esteem in a woman. We crave and feed off of it. SOMETIMES. SOME MEN. That is usually the doorway to entering your weak entry and which in return allows you to not close the door when he knocks. You let your already weak guard completely down. They prey on your emotions, tell you what others won't, then bingo, bango, bongo, they are in and out. Leaving your more esteem-less than before. But if you already believe that you are a DIVA, a QUEEN, THE SHizNIT, then what he says will only add to your ego, not build your confidence. No one should ever, EVER take or build YOUR SELF esteem. As Katt Williams said, "It's esteem of your muthafu*&n self, how can somebody take something that you posess?" You should be your biggest fan, if you aren't why would you expect others to join in cheering you on? Besides when somebody really believes you are beautiful, they shouldn't have to constantly tell you, they will show you. Stay Beautiful!