Monday, June 7, 2010

Love Yourself First

“If you don’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else?” (Rupaul) Never have these words rang more true. I dare take it a step further and say, “If you don’t love yourself, don’t expect anyone else to.”
One of the things I find wrong with relationships, is one or both partner’s self esteem issue. They deem themselves not worthy of having the other, therefore put up with a whole lot of unnecessary BS because they feel they can’t do any better. Whether or not they got picked on as a child or fell victim to an abusive relationship, the symptoms are all the same.
As a person who has struggled with weight all my life, I can attest to this problem first hand. I was one of those girls picked on, told she was always overweight, constantly reminded of things I needed to change. Unfortunately, I still carry those things with me and suffer from self esteem issues. When I look in the mirror, I don’t see what others see, I see what I need to change. Therefore, I don’t demand or command the respect due me because I often feel unworthy of it. I know I’m intelligent, friendly, outgoing but sexy I don’t always feel. This leads to constant rejection even in my own mind. I expect people to reject me or brush me off, never give me a second glance because that’s what I’m used to. No matter how much I know someone loves me, until I’m totally in love with me I’ll never be able to accept someone else’s love. So what do I/we do?
First find things about ourselves we love (which technically should be everything). Change the things we don’t like instead of complaining about it. Carry ourselves in such a way that will make the most unattainable person bow at our feet. We need to stop projecting our feelings of insecurities onto our mates and then get upset with them because of what we perceive to be true. Stop with the “I knew you were gonna do this and that!” Stop expecting failure and be happy with ourselves. It’s the key to our happiness. Stop accepting BS Behavior because we don’t feel we deserve better. Stop feeling sorry for ourselves. Stop Crying. Pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and start again.
You have to be happy with and love yourself first. If you don’t you can’t expect to get it elsewhere. Love yourself, love yourself, love yourself, love myself first!
Feel free to chime in if you can offer more advice to someone or to me. I’m open.


Anonymous said...

Those not uplifted as young adults, not held, loved
or encouraged usually suffer from this. The key
is telling our children we love them from day one. Tell them
they are great and are worthy of love. That will
fix all the grown up issues in my opinion!

Anonymous said...

I have found that in all reality my self worth is still fundamentally connected to how others treat me. Anything else is just something I think caused better self esteem, but really didn't. I noticed after I dominate others I have good self-esteem, but after others dominate me I feel self loathing. It feels like hell and I hate the whole darn thing! Even my "friends" are just people who don't dominate me, so my ego has time to rest. I want real friends and real feelings of joy and friendship!

Anonymous said...

Great advice, I will certainly be trying it out. Thing is, the nagging self conscious voice in the back of my head cant get rid of the thought that even if I do manage to convince myself that I am a decent person, others will still see me... as I am. I don't know how to change that.