Dear Beloved,

“The only thing to fear is fear itself.” “God did not give us the spirit of fear but of love, peace and a sound mind.” Stop being scared already!

In order for someone to have dominance over you, you have to give up your power. A person can only do to you what you allow them to do. If you want to live your life with peace and a sound mind, you have to pray and Trust GOD to guide you, strengthen you and protect you. Stop being afraid to defend yourself and live your life the way you were mean to live it. The way God intended. You weren’t meant to be a doormat or a slave to anyone. You are a goddess: beautiful, intelligent, and stronger than you think. Put on the whole Armor of God and Slay the Dragon.

Look within yourself, discover who you really are and act accordingly. You are protected under the Blood of Jesus. Not get up and fight. Don’t you dare turn and run!

Love you always,
Ursula

Love Yourself First

“If you don’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else?” (Rupaul) Never have these words rang more true. I dare take it a step further and say, “If you don’t love yourself, don’t expect anyone else to.”
One of the things I find wrong with relationships, is one or both partner’s self esteem issue. They deem themselves not worthy of having the other, therefore put up with a whole lot of unnecessary BS because they feel they can’t do any better. Whether or not they got picked on as a child or fell victim to an abusive relationship, the symptoms are all the same.
As a person who has struggled with weight all my life, I can attest to this problem first hand. I was one of those girls picked on, told she was always overweight, constantly reminded of things I needed to change. Unfortunately, I still carry those things with me and suffer from self esteem issues. When I look in the mirror, I don’t see what others see, I see what I need to change. Therefore, I don’t demand or command the respect due me because I often feel unworthy of it. I know I’m intelligent, friendly, outgoing but sexy I don’t always feel. This leads to constant rejection even in my own mind. I expect people to reject me or brush me off, never give me a second glance because that’s what I’m used to. No matter how much I know someone loves me, until I’m totally in love with me I’ll never be able to accept someone else’s love. So what do I/we do?
First find things about ourselves we love (which technically should be everything). Change the things we don’t like instead of complaining about it. Carry ourselves in such a way that will make the most unattainable person bow at our feet. We need to stop projecting our feelings of insecurities onto our mates and then get upset with them because of what we perceive to be true. Stop with the “I knew you were gonna do this and that!” Stop expecting failure and be happy with ourselves. It’s the key to our happiness. Stop accepting BS Behavior because we don’t feel we deserve better. Stop feeling sorry for ourselves. Stop Crying. Pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and start again.
You have to be happy with and love yourself first. If you don’t you can’t expect to get it elsewhere. Love yourself, love yourself, love yourself, love myself first!
Feel free to chime in if you can offer more advice to someone or to me. I’m open.

Happy Crack Has Swept the City

"Yo man, let me get that grape, naw mix it with a little bit of cherry with some pink lemonade on the side!"

I'm sure you are probably wondering what in the world I am talking about. Im referencing the the new schoolyard phenom: Happy Crack! Happy Crack is a mixture of Kool-Aid, sugar and a little bit of water. This mixture crystalizes to a texture similar to fun dip. Its all the rage in the Elementary School Playgrounds and busses.

Now back in the day we used to make this same mixture but never assigned a name to it nor did we take it to school and attempt to sell it. The children of today have taken it to a whole new level and have turned the Elementary School's into New Jack City. "We taking over the Carver Elementary School!" The students have resorted to mixing, bagging and selling the Kool-Aid with the intent of obtaining a sugar high and burst of flavorful goodness as a means of starting or ending their day. While this sounds absurb, the schools here in Columbia have taken a very serious approach to containing this problem. Children have been reported, slapped with possession with intent to distribute charges and suspended from school. The rationale, the children should not be mimicking anything as deadly and addictive as Crack nor should they be in the habit of mixing anything; the makings of Meth Lab operations. While I understand the seriousness of this situation, I can't help but wonder if the name was something else would it be such a big deal?

Chime in and let me know what you think about the Happy Crack Revolution!

Dream Interpretations

I have always been a big believer in receiving messages in dream form. Its always when I have a lot going on in my life that I dream more frequently. Well let me rephrase that, I remember my dreams more frequently. Over the past couple months I have been faced with major decisions concerning the direction I want to proceed in my life. I've decided to choose my sanity and peace of mind over chaos and constant stress and anxiety of someone else's job. So I've decided to leave my current employment and pursue my own business full time. This is a bold move on my part but I'm stepping out on faith and trusting that God will not let me fall.

Over the past two nights I've had very significant dreams concerning my decision. In the first dream I was in a fashion show and had also catered the after reception. Everyone was raving about my food and how I should open a restaurant. Then I ended up in a pool area where a man offered to let me work in his car dealership. As I interviewed him about the job the water in the pool started to splash over the pool deck and turn to sheets of ice. I immediately went for the exit having to skate along the ice until I reached the door.

Now I can interpret that dream in several ways. I looked up what it means to dream of ice and it said that I may be standing on shaky ground or rushing into a decision. However it also said if I was skating on the ice I would have good look in my future and overcome issues easily. Needless to say I was a little unnerved by this but prayed and continued on with my day. Let me know what you all think.

My second dream last night consisted of me walking into a conference where a lady stopped me and introduced herself as the new Chairman of the Board of the organization I just resigned from. She asked if we could set a time to talk and I said ok. I then moved on to get in line with my son to watch a movie. I registered and then stood in line. The crowd was so congested and I couldn't make my way into the theater. My roommate from college came and took my son to do something and then I moved my way through the crowd, found an open door to a theater where I had my choice of seats. I was amazed that the crowd outside hadn't found this theater earlier. I took my seat, my friend bought my son back to me and we sat and watched the movie. I looked up the meaning of crowds and it read: to dream you that you are in or part of a crowd, signifies that you need to make some space for yourself..you need solitude to reflect on a situation at hand and recharge your energy...to see an unruly crowd in your dream, signifies that the worries and problems around you are pressing in on you...you will be greatly distressed...to see a happy, orderly crowd in your dream, denotes assured happiness, pleasant friends and opportunities for advancement.

I woke up reassured that I have made the correct decision. I encourage each of you to take life by the horns and create your own destiny. Life is short and we only get one time so i'm told so make it count. Looking forward to hearing your comments on my dreams.

This Is It

Last night I went to see Michael Jackson's This Is It! This is a must see for every Michael Jackson fan and anyone ever remotely interested in his music. Going into the theater I felt quite sad, the same way I felt entering the doors of the Staples Center for MJ's Memorial Service. I cried before I even sat in my seat. All I could think about is how this was the last "new" body of work I'd ever see from Michael Jackson and all that would be left is snippets of past performances, repeats of specials/news casts and fond memories. This thought alone made me quite sad and I started to cry as I played This Is It on my ipod in the theater. I treated the movie goers to a mini Michael Jackson concert prior to the movie equipped by loudly sang vocals from my son Len. It was greatly appreciated.

When the movie started I felt my body fill with butterflies generated from anxiety and excitement at the same time. The tears flowed as I listened to the dancers and crew talk about how happy they were to be at that place and time in their lives; to actually work and be in the presence of The King of Pop. I totally understood and wished I could have gotten that close to him in some form or fashion. The one time I was in his presence "he" wasn't there, just in spirit. I guess to some, this may sound like Idol Worship, but to a die hard fan and a lover of music... its an amazing accomplishment as he is a special gift from God to all of us. It was a bucket list item for me that I guess I can scratch off. As the movie progressed I got into the music and the showmanship of Michael Jackson. I was mesmerized and in total awe of him. No way this man is 50 approaching 51 and moving like this!! My son was singing all the songs at the top of his lungs along with Michael. He could not have sang any louder if I asked him to. I didn't realize he knew so many MJ songs but then again if that's all you hear you have no choice. Guess I did a pretty good job exposing him!

From just watching this film I wanted to jump out my seat and run around the theater. I felt as though I could just jump through the screen and be there. I can only imagine what my reaction would have been in London...yes I was going. My finance is friends with Travis Payne the choreographer and had secretly arranged tickets and backstage passes for the both of us as a major surprise to me. WOW! I think I would have clawed him to death during the show! He probably would have left me there! LOL! We both can't believe that we didn't think to call Travis when we were in LA to ask to witness a rehearsal as they were in full swing when we were there for my sister's graduation. That thought is heartbreaking for the both of us.

As MJ performed Billie Jean, my all time favorite song, the tears streamed down my face; not from sadness but from excitement and electricity pulsing through my body. I sang and cried all at the same time. MJ was right...Love lasts forever. I'll never forget, I'll never let go, I'll always celebrate his life and memory. In words of MJ...I'll let it Simmer!! Long live his music and memory. If you haven't seen This Is It...please go and experience what millions already have...the magic of Michael Jackson!

Michael Jackson: Love Lasts Forever

Are Teachers Allowed to Show Biases Towards Students?

Today was the first day of school and my son came home all smiles but declaring he did not like his teacher. I was not surprised to hear this because at the open house he hoped and prayed he didn't have her as a teacher, much to his dismay, he did. I was pleasantly surprised because I felt she was a woman who could keep him in line and plus since my child is somewhat sexist, it was a good fit. Anyhoo, back to the first day, he explained to me that his teacher from last year came into the assembly and hugged all her former students. Noticeably she bypassed him with not even a hello, to get to students in line behind him. Obviously it was deliberate enough for him to make mention of the snub and get upset about it. My response was, "Well you know Mrs. Heirs doesn't like you." My question to all you wonderful teachers out there...Is it ever okay to outwardly display dislike or hatred for one of your students?

Last school year, my son and Mrs. Heirs had quite a few run ins, some were most definitely his fault but others, were not. Mrs. Heirs impressed me as the type of teacher who didn't really want to be there or wasn't enthusiastic about teaching when we met at Open House last year. Against my better judgement, I left him in her class. Now, my child is not a saint and he quickly built a reputation in her class. However, some instances, he was not even present for and was blamed. He got into several fights where he was jumped in the bathroom by multiple boys and that wasn't addressed only observed he was involved. It got to the point where I felt he was just being blamed for stuff because it was convenient. I had several parent/teacher conferences to which I always requested the Principal's presence. Needless to say he hasn't made one yet.

Now as I said earlier, my child is not a saint by any means. He has attitude problems and anger management issues, however he is also a Gemini and has a surprisingly sweet side. Unfortunately for him and Mrs. Heirs, they only saw the bad sides of each other. I hated having to talk to this lady and hear her annoying, "Ms. Kelllllllllllllyyyyyyy, its Mrs.. Heiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrssssssssssss! Ugh. I was so glad the school year ended and so happy he was able to start 4th grade with a clean slate.

As a parent, I feel that if you are teacher you should be able to put personal feelings aside and teach all the children in your class. You don't treat children like adults and display obvious dislike towards them. I don't care how they act. Send their hind parts home and try it again the next day. When the sight of a child affects your whole mood, that's a problem and you don't need to be teaching. I'm not asking teachers to enter the realm of the Convents and flirt with Sainthood themselves, but I don't expect them to deliberately spew and yell harsh words at students either. At this year's open house Ms. Heirs introduced herself with no facial expressions, no variance in her voice, no personality whatsoever, but explained she was "so excited" about the school year coming up. Whatever Chick! I'm really interested in hearing some feedback from all of you teachers out there. Let me know if my expectations are too high of the person I entrust my child to 8hrs a day or what.

Professional vs I'm the Ish..

As a professional in the Entertainment and Fashion Industries, I’ve seen a lot of things in my day both professional and very unprofessional. However, I’ve never seen an incident like the one I was so unfortunately privileged to witness yesterday. Let me preface this incident by saying this: I’ve seen actors break down and run off stage, props torn apart with no regard to the artist, models show up to a photo shoot in less than fashionable clothes and no other outfits to change into and several other oddities. So needless to say I’m used to “so-called” professional people experiencing bouts with temporary insanity. With that said, I was completely taken aback with yesterday.

My partner and I have decided to open a Modeling Agency. She is a make up artist and I’m a photographer so we make a pretty awesome team. We have met an abundant amount of “beautiful” young ladies, all aspiring to join the ranks of Tyra, Naomi and Heidi. For the most part these ladies have been very professional and respectful of my partner and me. We were fortunate enough to be able to say our experiences have been pretty pleasant up until this debacle. Yesterday we met with a model for the first time to conduct a few “test shots”. She brought a great array of interchangeable outfits, shoes, and jewelry to the shoot. She had an outgoing personality and a good luck. She asked questions and was cooperative. The first half of the shoot was absolutely perfect. I got some edgy and high fashion shots as well as some great beauty shots. Then she changed into a cute black and white dress, which she quickly let me know cost $200. My partner and make up artist decided that the dress pattern was dynamic enough for her to add some drama to our model’s face with black and white paint. She created these white clouds on her eyes and outlined them with black. It was very different but edgy at the same time. Our model flipped and said, “I gotta wash this off my face”, and proceeded to get up, go in the bathroom and wash her face without even taking one test shot. Our mouths dropped open and the room fell silent. Mind you we had another model and photographer there as well. Liken this event to being at a party and someone abruptly taking the needle off the record in the middle of your favorite groove. Huh? Are you serious? You are actually washing your face right now?

Note to Aspiring Models: It is your job to do what the photographer tells you to do in the make up provided. As long as it’s tasteful, as in not lewd, you should be willing to wear whatever. You can’t tell a designer you don’t like their designs and you never tell the make up artist you don’t like the make up. Every shot you take is not going to be a “Glamour Shot”! I don’t care if you are told to put a corncob pipe on the end of your nose, your job as a model is to make every woman in the world want one. Ladies, get over yourselves, your “so-called” good looks and lace fronts and actually humble yourself to the point of being able to take and receive great photographs. Your job as a model is not to have an opinion but to provide a blank canvas for others to create. If you want creative control, actually pay to have your photos taken.